Practical Solutions to Everyday Problems by Neil A. Fiore PhD

Author:Neil A. Fiore, PhD
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: G&D Media
Published: 2021-04-14T16:00:00+00:00

Stop waiting to feel confident—act now!

Dare Greatly!

Low Self-Esteem

Practical solution.

Whenever you feel lowered by others or events in your life, make a conscious choice to hold your head up high and refuse to take on the identity of someone who has been lowered. Low self-esteem manifests itself in feelings of worthlessness, feeling inadequate in social situations or incapable of accomplishing any demanding tasks, anticipating failure, pessimism, and sometimes depression. Fredric Neuman, MD, director of the Anxiety and Phobia Center at White Plains Hospital in New York, has written that those suffering from low self-esteem do not respond well to antidepressants because they are not suffering from an illness but from long-held beliefs leading to misconceptions about themselves. Treatment, Dr. Neuman states, needs to be focused on changing these negative ideas.

You may have seen a dog that has been punished or chastised put its head down and its tail between its legs as a signal that it will not fight. Lowering oneself is a survival mechanism for animals: it lowers testosterone and aggression and shows larger animals that you are not a threat. In humans, the signal is the raising of both hands to show that you surrender, that you are not a problem, and that you are not going to fight.

If you’ve been demeaned as a child by parents, teachers, or bullies, you might have taken on surrender and lowering as part of your personality and come to believe and feel that you are lower than others. To overcome this early conditioning, you might start today to choose to hold your head up high and to override your animal brain’s programming. Start the practice of listing your positive qualities to replace thoughts about the negative qualities you’ve been taught.

Imagery.

Animals have a survival response called yielding that keeps them out of fights they can’t win. You may have felt this survival instinct when you were surprised by a barking or growling dog. It’s natural, and part of your animal brain survival mechanism, to lower your head when you fear being attacked. Once you know you’re safe, you have a chance to shake off the alarm and raise your head, walking forward like a human being with your head held high.

Putting it to use.

Notice when you feel lowered by others, by bullies, or by authority figures. Accept a few seconds of lowering as part of your animal brain survival instincts, without taking on low self-esteem as part of who you are. Acknowledge this instinctual response; notice it from your higher, human Self and decide when it’s safe to raise your head—and possibly your voice—to defend yourself or to continue on to safety.

Hot tip.

Refuse to be intimidated by critics. Critics and competitors may be envious that you have achieved more than they have. Some may be jealous of you for being in the spotlight or for being more willing than they are to put in the work necessary to succeed. You may remind them of how they failed to live up to their potential. Others just want to share the spotlight and feel they need to bring you down to their level.

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