[Portal Wars 02] - The Ten Thousand (2014) by Allan Jay

Author:Allan, Jay [Allan, Jay]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: System 7 Publishing
Published: 2014-12-21T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 15

From the Journal of Jake Taylor:

Is there anything as stressful as command? I am a veteran with 14 years of service on the most violently hostile world where men have tried to fight. I am the commander of an army on a crusade to free mankind from tyranny. I have seen thousands of men die and killed vast numbers of my enemies. I was turned into a cyborg, half machine, my enhanced biotech implants making me one of the deadliest warriors in history, if somewhat less human.

Yet I constantly question my judgment, second-guess the orders I issue. I try to rely on my experience, but my confidence fails me. Every command, every strategy leaves me uncertain, questioning if I made the right choices, wondering how many men will die as a result of my orders.

I must keep my uncertainty to myself, look to no one for my own reassurance. Command is the loneliest of all things, and I will burden none of my people, not even my top officers, with the doubts I feel. My soldiers, even my closest friends and toughest veterans, look to me for strength. They have made me into an unstoppable force, a resolute commander, sure of every decision, never doubting the right course of action. It is a fiction, but it is one they need, so I must maintain the façade.

The responsibility is overwhelming. So many men die. I tell myself they do not give their lives for me, that my soul doesn’t bear the weight of so many good men dead. They die for the cause, to free the world, to fight against the evil that represses mankind. I tell myself they don’t die for me, but I don’t really believe it.

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