Phule Me Twice by Robert Asprin; Peter J. Heck

Author:Robert Asprin; Peter J. Heck
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Tags: Fiction - Science Fiction, Phule's Company (Fictitious characters), Science Fiction & Fantasy, Fantasy fiction, Phule, Space Opera, Willard (Fictitious character), Willard (Fictitious Character), Robots, Science Fiction, Science Fiction - General, General, Life on other planets, Fiction
ISBN: 9780441007912
Publisher: ACE
Published: 2000-12-01T14:57:15+00:00

14

Journal #573

One curious feature of life with a Legion company was that one was always being stationed in places where the normal amenities of civilization were rather thin on the ground. Of course, my employer had done what he could to alleviate this by moving his legionnaires into the best available accommodations on those worlds where he was assigned. For our stay on Zenobia, a planet with no human presence before ours, he had gotten a custom-made encampment module that supplied many of the essentials of the good life: running water, electricity, airconditioning, comfortable beds, a thoroughly modern kitchen.

But some things could not be done simply by throwing money at them, and this turned out to be particularly true of the military aspect of our assignments. Like it or not, a decent system for the distant detection and identification of incoming spacecraft-something most real planets take for granted-was sadly lacking on Zenobia. And, to my employer’s chagrin, neither the Legion commanders nor the Zenobian military seemed to think a single Legion company really needed one.

This was to have consequences.

“The major wants me?” Lieutenant Snipe looked up from the bed where he’d been hiding for several hours, covers over his head, until Major Botchup had sent a legionnaire to find out where his aide-de-camp had disappeared to. It was probably mere chance that the major hadn’t sent one of the legionnaires who’d remade their faces “in the image of the King,” as his followers called it. But it was definitely the right choice. If Snipe had looked up and seen that face again...

“Yes, sir,” said the legionnaire, Koko, one of the crop of recruits who’d joined the company on Lorelei, a gawky but very polite farm boy from an agrarian community on the planet Roosha. “He says it’s very important.”

“Everything the major wants is important to him,” said Snipe. The lieutenant’s attitude toward his commanding officer was somewhat less adulatory than it had been at the beginning of the day. “Let me just wash up and straighten my uniform, and I’ll be right there.”

Despite his sour mood, Snipe took less than five minutes to freshen up, and shortly thereafter he followed Koko into Major Botchup’s office and saluted. “Lieutenant Snipe reporting, sir!”

Botchup glanced up at his aide-de-camp and nodded. “Good, Snipe, about time you got here. Tell me what you make of these printouts.” He handed a sheaf of flimsies to the lieutenant and waited.

Snipe scanned the printouts and then looked up at the major. “When were these recorded, sir?”

“Within the hour,” said Botchup. Then he glowered at Snipe and said, “But I asked you what you make of ‘em.”

“A ship in orbit around this planet, sir,” said Snipe. “I assume it isn’t one of ours.”

“It’s not Starfleet, anyway; it may belong to the natives,” said the major. “I’ve had that woman in Comm Central trying to raise the native capital, but there’s nothing but bloody interference. You’d think a race that has its own space fleet could get up a few comsats, make it easier to talk.

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