Pain by Zeruya Shalev

Author:Zeruya Shalev
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Other Press
Published: 2019-11-05T00:00:00+00:00

THIRTEEN

She’ll be the first one up, shower in the children’s bathroom, and go into the bedroom, alert and resolute, to get dressed and put on her makeup. When she’s efficient, she arouses less suspicion, particularly when Mickey isn’t completely awake. And when he gets up, he might forget what happened the night before, her prolonged, ludicrous absence on the pretext of having driven to Tel Aviv to investigate Alma while Alma came to Jerusalem—clearly an especially botched investigation. She’ll get organized quickly, slip out of the bedroom just as his alarm clock rings, waking him for a new day. For what, actually? She knows so little about his daily routine, his relationships with his bosses and underlings, the work he has to do. How many women in distress does he help, driving them to and from various doctors? How many chess games does he manage to play secretly during work hours? Who are the people he talks to? And if he does suspect her, whom will he share his suspicions with? His need to socialize is limited, always has been, and since his close childhood friend left the country, he hardly ever spends time with other people.

She makes a sandwich for Omer hastily and peeks into Alma’s room. It’s still dark in there and she seems to be sleeping deeply. She’ll text and ask her to call when she wakes up, she’ll even cancel a meeting to see her. “Mom! I waited for you,” she had said, such rare words. Did she want to share what’s happening in her life with her? She, of course, will listen with love, no judgments and no criticism. She’ll be supportive, we all make mistakes when we’re young, she’ll assure her, every mistake is an important lesson.

Now here’s Mickey, lumbering his way toward her like a sleepwalker, surprising her with a smile on his way to the kettle, asking her nothing. Or perhaps it isn’t exactly a smile, but a sleepy nod of recognition, as if he has bumped into a neighbor on his way to the garbage bin. “I have to run,” she says quickly, “wake Omer, okay? His sandwich is in his backpack, we’ll talk later.” Then she’s in the elevator, in the car, trapped in moving objects, up and down, right and left, anything not to be in his line of vision.

It’s good that she left early, she’ll have time to prepare for the end-of-year meeting with the supervisor. But it isn’t really that early, the first pupils are beginning to arrive, some emerging from moving vehicles, some walking, heavy bags on their backs, the younger ones accompanied by their parents. She didn’t walk Alma and Omer to their classrooms that morning, there was no need. They got out of the car together, walked through the gate together, and then separated to go to their classes. If she had been with them, the bus would have exploded without her. But what sort of conclusion can she come to, what lesson can she learn from that mistake? Learn from your mistakes—how hollow that saying is.

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