Over 1,500 Absolutely Absurd Dilemmas to Ponder by Justin Heimberg & David Gomberg

Author:Justin Heimberg & David Gomberg
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781934734834
Publisher: Seven Footer Press

1Is that still a thing?

WOULD YOU RATHER…? FOR MEN

Gadgets! Babes! Beer! Porn! Bathroom Humor! Megan Fox! BBQ! Tits! Movies! Ass! Analysis of Neo-Marxist Dialectical Materialsim! Red Meat! Classic Movie Quotes! More Tits! Not Much Reading! iPad! Cyborgs! Lions! Tigers! Bears (not the hairy, burly, gay type!) Taffy! Sex! Slutty Celeb Pics! Uh… Rookie Cards!… hmm... running out of gas here… Bagels?… No… Did we say “Tits”yet?

Would you rather…

set off a mousetrap with your penis

OR

a bear trap with your leg?

Would you rather…

block a punt with your nuts

OR

your face?

Would you… have sex with Carrie Fisher now to be able to relive time and have sex with Carrie Fisher when you were 15 and she was in Return of the Jedi?

Would you… have sex with Kendra Wilkinson if you have to spend two weeks hanging out with her all day long first? What if you could have sex first and then had to spend two weeks hanging out afterwards (with no more sex)?

Would you rather…

have an app that indicates the ovulation and STD status of potential one-night stands

OR

the number of times she’s been dumped for “being crazy?”

Would you rather…

motorboat Scarlett Johansson’s boobs

OR

Shakira’s butt?

Would you rather…

have sex with Taylor Swift, swiftly

OR

Jenna Haze, hazily?

Who would make the best lesbian porn?

Cylons number six and nine from Battlestar Galactica?

Ginger and Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island?

Pocahontas and the chick from Disney’s Aladdin?

the Gossip Girl cast OR the True Blood cast?

Playmate centerfolds of 1976 OR female X-Men characters?

Would you rather…

every time you get an erection, you get a nosebleed and vice-versa

OR

lose all sexual inhibition in the presence of nutmeg?

Would you rather…

have an erection for 3 months straight

OR

your wife/girlfriend be on her period for 3 months straight?

Would you rather have sex With….

Elizabeth Banks OR Rachel McAdams?

Naomi Watts OR Anna Faris?

Emmanuelle Chriqui if she was wearing Rec Specs OR Keeley Hazell if she was wearing gag glasses with a moustache?

Denise Milani if she were completely flat-chested and had a dumpy ass OR Angela Lansbury if she were a 36DD-22-34?

Would you rather…

see your girlfriend in a sex video on the web

OR

see your mom in a Girls Gone Wild tape?

Would you rather…

stick you penis in a wasp’s nest

OR

in (insert disgusting acquaintance)’s mouth?

Would you rather…

that all women in the world were required to return phone calls, no matter what

OR

that all women in the world had vaginas that recorded high scores like video games, so you enter your initials afterward and try to break your records?

Would you rather…

be caught by your mom masturbating

OR

catch your mom masturbating?

Dad?

Aunt?

Grandfather?

Dog?

Chris Hansen?

Would you rather…

watch Twilight 20 times in a row with your wife/girlfriend

OR

eat 5 sticks of butter?

Would you rather…

split a 12-pack with Jimmy Kimmel

OR

Donald Rumsfeld?

Would you rather…

play 18 holes with Tiger Woods

OR

DP 18 holes with Tiger Woods and his mistresses?

Things to consider: playing in the rough, ball-washers, other obvious golf jokes

Which porno would you most want to watch, imagining what the plot would be?

The Fast and Bicurious

Womb Raider

Schindler’s Fist

The Incredible Bulge - (penis turns green and rips through clothes when excited)

Semento (told backwards from ejaculation all the way to putting

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