Once Upon a Crime (Roger LeCarre) by Fergus Craig
Author:Fergus Craig [Craig, Fergus]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780751583816
Publisher: Little, Brown Book Group
Published: 2021-10-19T05:00:00+00:00
FIFTEEN
âLong time no see,â Detective Roger LeCarre said to Laura Touch, humorously.
Just thirty-six hours earlier, theyâd spoken at the crime scene of Charlie Fade. Now it was someone elseâs turn â Sebastian Twine, twenty-six, Capricorn.
âAnother day, another body,â said Touch, like a tired sex worker.
âWhat have you got?â asked LeCarre.
âYou were here first,â said Touch. âYou tell me.â
An almighty mess. Thatâs what he had.
What looked like a solitary leaf blew along the high street until it got closer and LeCarre realised it wasnât a leaf at all but his new partner, Detective Tim Rhodes.
âYou took your time, Rhodes,â said LeCarre.
âSorry, Detective. My wife . . . we were . . . â
âSpit it out,â spat LeCarre.
âAntenatal classes. Weâre expecting a baby,â said Rhodes.
âAnti what? Youâre expecting a what?â
âAntenatal, sir. A baby, sir. Weâre expecting a baby. Iâm her birthing partner,â said Rhodes, beaming with excitement.
âBirthing partner?! Are you listening to this, Touch?â
Touch rolled her lesbian eyes.
In LeCarreâs world, births were nothing to do with the father. When Carrie had gone into labour with their daughter, LeCarre had sat in the Wonford Inn, the closest pub to the hospital. âText me when it gets here,â heâd said. Births were for doctors and midwives and mothers â they werenât for dads. Nine hours heâd waited. That day would always be remembered for two things â the arrival of his daughter and the most bags of pork scratchings heâd ever eaten in one sitting. When he eventually entered the hospital theyâd had to give him hydration tablets because of all the salt in his system.
âWhat have we got?â asked Rhodes.
âFell from the John Lewis café or, more likely, he was pushed,â said LeCarre.
âWhat makes you say that?â asked Rhodes.
âThe giant stab wound might have something to do with it,â said LeCarre. âSimilar to Fadeâs. I received a call on my Huawei P30 Pro a couple of hours ago from someone claiming to have evidence on the murder of Charlie Fade. This is the man who I believe made the call.â
LeCarre went on to explain about the primrose, his plan of buying two hot cups of tea and his decision not to pop into Rymanâs, which was closed now so heâd have to leave it for another day.
âStab wound looks the same as Fadeâs, semper fidelis carved into his chest. Itâs the same killer. Come and take a look.â
LeCarre and Rhodes walked over to the body. Max Trescothick, the forensic, was outlining it in chalk. LeCarre hit him with some first-class police banter.
âYou ever think of drawing something else, Trescothick?â
âShouldnât you be drawing your pension, you old bugger?â Trescothick hit back, ruthlessly.
LeCarre searched for a retort. âI think itâll be back to the drawing board if . . . â
The witty back-and-forth was interrupted by Rhodes vomiting on the corpse.
âOh my God! Thatâs Seb Twine!â
LeCarre looked to his pathetic puking partner.
âSorry,â said Rhodes. âItâs just, I was wondering why he wasnât at the antenatal class tonight.â
âOh dear. When was the baby due?â asked Trescothick, wiping Rhodesâs vomit from the corpse.
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Dark Humor | Humorous |
Satire |
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