Notes From a Totally Lame Vampire by Tim Collins

Author:Tim Collins
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Aladdin
Published: 2010-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

We’ve all got to be at school by eight thirty tomorrow morning so we can get on the bus for the zoo trip. I’m going to get there at eight to make sure no one else sits next to Chloe.

I will offer Chloe the window seat, to show to her how selfless and caring I am. I shall even buy some of that candy she likes.

Tomorrow’s going to be good for me. I can sense it.

TUESDAY, APRIL 5

Let’s just say that the school trip wasn’t a resounding success.

As we got on the bus I made sure I was sitting next to Chloe. I could see Wayne wanted to barge in, but I didn’t let him. Chloe and I had a good chat on the journey there, and I demonstrated my maturity by resisting the temptation to laugh when the bus went past a tramp and Craig told Darren to wave at his dad.

Anyway, we had a nice enough journey, but the zoo itself was a disaster. As soon as I stepped through the turnstile, I could hear yelps of panic coming from the cages. I asked Chloe to hang back with me, so we could break away from the other kids.

The first animals we passed were the meerkats, who all stood on their hind legs and nudged each other disapprovingly. Next, we walked past a lion that retreated to the back of its cage and roared obnoxiously at me. But it was the monkeys that really drew attention to me. As I passed them, they formed into a threatening rank and howled at me. They threw rocks from their enclosure with scary precision, hitting my head a few times. I tried to pretend it wasn’t happening, but it became harder to shrug off when the little monsters began to hurl themselves with great force against their cage. By this point frightened yelps and howls were coming from every direction and an angry zookeeper threw me out for provoking the animals. I hadn’t even done anything!

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