My Favorite Fangs: The Story of the Von Trapp Family Vampires by Goldsher Alan

Author:Goldsher, Alan [Goldsher, Alan]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Macmillan
Published: 2012-08-07T06:00:00+00:00

PART TWO

CHAPTER 5

IN AUSTRIA, PUPPET shows are despised, and with good reason.

According to experts on the history of Austrian puppetry—of which there are hundreds, if not thousands—1831 was the first recorded instance of a puppet show gone awry. The performance took place in a rickety barn in Klagenfurt. The puppet master, a native Klagenfurtian named Florian Franzika, had put together a marionette show that, had it come off as planned, might well have been spectacular. He created eight marionettes, one matching each of the animals in his barn: Two Haflinger horses, three milking cows, a chicken, a rooster, and an underfed Alsatian. The idea was to have the living creatures interact with their puppet counterparts, but it fell apart two minutes into the performance, when the dog—who, it turned out, was rabid—attacked both Franzika and the dog puppet, at which point the puppeteer dropped one of the horse marionettes on one of the horses. The spooked horse then went on a bucking spree that killed six audience members, and injured eleven others. Franzika avoided injury, but was murdered in his sleep the following week by one of the widowers.

And then there was the Great Innsbruck Japanese Rod Puppet Fire of 1876, when fifteen of the delicate figures went up in flames, eventually burning down an entire city block, leaving sixty-one dead, and over ten times that many homeless. And then there was the controversial turn-of-the-century ventriloquist convention in Lustenau that ended in a bloody riot. (The less said about the 1905 Linz Muppet fiasco, the better.) Taking all that into account, it was understandable that the majority of native Austrians considered puppetry to be a cursed art … if they considered it to be an art at all.

But Brigitta didn’t believe in the curses, so, after several hours of nagging, pestering, and harassment, she convinced her siblings to join her in organizing a puppet performance that would win over the Baroness. But remember, dear reader, we’re talking about the von Trapp children, and there’s no way these brats could do a normal puppet show. No, their performance had to be …

“… memorable,” Friedrich said, while the brats sat in a circle on the lawn in the backyard.

“Disturbing,” Louisa said.

“Sensual,” Liesl said.

“How on Earth can you make puppets sensual?” asked Farta, who, now that she was infused with Vampire blood, was discovering her own sensuality every hour, on the hour.

“You can make anything sensual,” Liesl said. She pointed to the tree. “Like that.” Then she pointed to a red-breasted robin. “Or that.” Then she pointed to her lady-parts. “Or, naturally, that.”

Kurt said, “I know you can make food sensual.”

Friedrich said, “I know you can make food anything.”

Kurt picked Friedrich up by the back of his neck and flung him into the middle of the lake.

Brigitta called, “Stop it, both of you!” She held up her index finger. “You know what? Let’s ask Maria.”

“Ask Maria what?” the Governess said as she wandered into the yard.

Louisa pointed at Brigitta and said, “This one wants to put on a puppet show for Father and the Baroness.

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