'Mum, What's Wrong with You?' by Lorraine Candy

Author:Lorraine Candy [Candy, Lorraine]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2021-04-08T17:00:00+00:00

SUGGESTIONS FOR DIGITAL BOUNDARIES

As the first generation of parents navigating this journey, we are perhaps the generation of parents charged with setting rules around this. So, to recap here’s what we did at home, which may be useful for you. Experiment and see what suits your family best but don’t side-step your responsibility on this subject and be emotionally prepared for how unpopular setting guidelines will make you.

1. Rigid rules from day one: Start with hard-and-fast rules that can be negotiated as she develops and matures. It is so much tougher to retrospectively set boundaries as we did.

2. The digital sunset: No phones in rooms after 8 p.m. from the start. First all the time, then just weekdays, perhaps at around the age of fifteen or sixteen. Then renegotiate as and when YOU feel comfortable your daughter can handle late-night internet access.

3. Set parental controls on the wi-fi.

4. Don’t immediately replace broken, lost devices: I see this a lot and by doing it you are reinforcing their view they cannot live without their phones. Let them endure this pain; but you will have to as well. It won’t be pleasant. But as I have said before, we CAN do hard things. This is one of them.

5. Consider a digital contract as a family: Something like the one parenting website iMOM provides, which is a printable contract with rules around phone and/or social-media use. Dr Bex Lewis, who specialises in digital culture and communication at Manchester Metropolitan University, recommended this to me in May 2019, and it means you take some responsibility as a parent for how much you use your phone too. We didn’t stick to the contract, but just talking about it made us all aware how we rely on our phones and how their use affects everyone in the family.

6. No phones at meals, no phones on dog walks, no phones for family game time: We find these guidelines helpful in our house. Work out what you can realistically dictate, expect and maintain. I would put the phones in a cupboard as it meant they couldn’t see them and still be subconsciously distracted.

7. Eye contact is crucial: Don’t have conversations with your teens with your phone in your hand, keep the eye contact. Put your phone down.

8. Set time limits with alarms for gaming: Our nine-year-old loves to play RoBlox but we agree on for how long she can.

9. Think about how screen time is affecting you: I know many mums who perhaps have a more anxious disposition who find social media stressful. Have you got someone you can talk to about how it makes you feel, can you reset your relationship with your phone? Step back and think it through. If you have suffered with mental-health issues, is it making you feel good or bad when you engage online? Perhaps it has a negative effect on you but isn’t affecting your daughter in the same way, so be mindful of this in discussions with her about it.

10.

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