Mrs Brown's Family Handbook by O'Carroll Brendan

Author:O'Carroll, Brendan [O'Carroll, Brendan]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: TBC
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2013-10-10T00:00:00+00:00

Don’t just dollop it up, describe it. You don’t need fancy menus, just a serving hatch to shout through.

‘What are we having, Mammy?’ you hear.

You might want to shout ‘Fritters’ and get back to the hob, but be imaginative! Get their taste buds going with some of Dino’s ten-Euro words. ‘Pan-fried’, ‘seared’, ‘sun-dried’ or ‘on a bed of’. It’ll distract them from the sound of the extractor fan on full and the thick smoke pouring through the serving hatch.

Actually, I can’t bring myself to do that. It doesn’t seem right. ‘Pan-fried’? What else would I be feckin’ frying it in? A bucket?

Still, it’s all the rage now, using five words where one will do. Cathy took me to that new ‘gastro pub’ where Mulligan’s used to be. I’ve never seen a menu like it. I’ve read shorter Mills & Boons. And the ending was shite. I wouldn’t be giving anything away if I said the coffee did it. I hope I haven’t spoiled it for you.

‘Gastro pub’, I ask you! You’d think they’d cover that up, not advertize it. I’ve had gastro and it feckin’ ruined Christmas. But if you’re dishing up for guests, nothing impresses more than a bit of foreign when you describe the food. I can’t deny it, ‘bolognese’ sounds better than ‘mince with ketchup stirred in’.

This is proper useful if you’ve got someone stuck-up coming round. And I do mean you, Hilary Nicolson. Who the feck turns up to your home and doesn’t even bring a bottle? Money can’t buy you class. But it can buy you a fucking four-pack of Bulmers.

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