Monkey Grip by Helen Garner

Author:Helen Garner
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9781742282138
Publisher: Penguin Group Australia
Published: 2013-02-26T05:00:00+00:00

Stoned, stoned, stoned again. Coke madness. Sitting up in my well-made bed, all alone on a Saturday night, my tongue numb from licking up last night’s coke crumbs off the mirror, I pondered the nature of dissipation and pleasure. My nose began to bleed weakly from the left nostril, probably something to do with the quantities of coke I had absorbed into the mucous membrane the night before, first with Jessie in the tower kitchen when I was supposed to be stirring the soup for supper, and again later with Bill, in my room after the show. We were stoned when we got home; but we snorted more and lay back, and I talked compulsively for a while and then lapsed into a silence, struck dumb by the flood of fantasies which came pouring through my head. Visions of strange countries, Arab or South American; ‘urban delirium'; memories of a room where I once gave in to hepatitis in Bill’s old house in Sydney. I remembered the last time I’d been so coked: the night in summer when Javo brought me some and I snorted it, and lay awake all night beside him while he came down hard after days of shooting it. His eye rolled round to me again and again, his face tried feebly to smile.

Bill and I fucked one ordinary, human fuck, and then the coke took over and we were doing something else: my head raced and plunged away into other worlds, and my body flowed on a tide of uncontrollable fantasy, singing sweet and high the while.

I slept two hours barely; and the next day I kept going only by smoking huge quantities of black hash. I went to a party at Eve’s. Clive was there.

‘Come and stay the night with me, Nora!’ he said, taking my hand in his callused palm; but I couldn’t, I was so exhausted.

‘I’ve been fucking my arse off all night,’ hissed Eve to me as she passed me a plate of food. Jessie and I made each other laugh till we were nearly sick.

Everybody was out of their heads.

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