Men's Health Confidential by Editors of Men's Health

Author:Editors of Men's Health
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: SELF-HELP / Sexual Instruction, HEALTH & FITNESS / Sexuality
Publisher: Potter/Ten Speed/Harmony/Rodale
Published: 2011-09-14T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER SEVEN

A LOW, SLOW BURN

The foreplay formula that will extend your pleasure and hers

You’ve heard the saying “Sex starts between the ears”? We’d like to add “outside the bedroom” and “in the morning” to that phrase. An amazing night of sex begins many hours beforehand with seduction and planning. That’s especially true for the man who’s trying to manage his PE.

Remember, a woman needs to two things to really want you badly: an emotional connection (feeling loved, adored, appreciated) and a relaxed mood. Tension, job stress, dirty dishes in the sink, kids threatening to burst through the door, worries about her appearance—all of these things distract her from thoughts of playing naughty nurse and make it very difficult for her to get aroused, let alone have an orgasm. Eliminate stress and ensure that sex starts between her ears and you are on your way to warming her up more quickly and managing your own anxiety more effectively.

Plan, Man

Think about the last time you had to speak in public and it went really well. Maybe your boss asked you to address the department or you presented something at an industry conference or a local Rotary Club meeting. It was well received because you appeared confident. You felt confident because you were well prepared. You had a goal for the talk and an outline of key points to keep you on track. And you had practiced it a couple of times in front of the mirror. Well, at the risk of making sex seem mechanical, we suggest that you approach the bedroom in a similar way. Spontaneity can be great for sex, but not so much for the guy dealing with performance anxiety and PE.

Schedule sex. As unsexy as it sounds, planning to have sex is a savior for married couples with small kids. But it also works great for busy singles with too much to do and no time to do it. When you plan to make time for sex, you eliminate the anxiety of the unknown—will we or won’t we?—and potential rejection. Plus, the anticipation of the rendezvous is…hot.

Make it comfy and give yourself time. Again, stress is a sex killer for her and a quicker picker-upper for you. So do whatever you can to make the bedroom an oasis of calm, quiet, and, comfort where, ideally, you’ll have at least an hour without distractions. If there are others in the house, get them out of the house or at least lock the door so there’s no anxiety about being caught doing reverse cowgirl at a full gallop.

Start foreplay over oatmeal. Her androgen levels are high in the morning and low in the evening, which means her body is more receptive to sexual signals in the a.m. However, at that time of day, she’s also stressing about getting to work on time. So it’s up to you to help her start thinking about you during her day so she’ll feel so emotionally connected to you she’ll want to rip your clothes off that night.

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