Memoirs of a Grandmother by Wengeroff Pauline;Magnus Shulamit S.;

Author:Wengeroff, Pauline;Magnus, Shulamit S.;
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Stanford University Press
Published: 2011-07-29T00:00:00+00:00

III. Eva’s Wedding

I was fifteen years old when my sister, who was two years older than I, was betrothed. Yes, she was betrothed and not (as girls today call it) got engaged herself. Our parents and those of the bridegroom dealt with each other through the marriage broker, the shadkhen, and agreed how much dowry, clothing, and jewelry from both sides of the marriage party was to be given. My sister did not see the face of her bridegroom, her life’s companion, at all, and she was not able to satisfy herself about whether she would be able to love him, and whether he suited her fancy and met the ideals that a girl privately formed about her intended. Our parents only informed her that a certain Mr. F., from the city of S., was seeking her hand in marriage and that, since he came from a good house, was wealthy, not repulsive, and already an independent businessman (indeed, he had already been divorced once), our parents found this a suitable match and had given their agreement. So now my sister had to do it.293

Far from registering the slightest hesitation about our parents’ words, my sister made no objection whatever. We just accepted what parents decided! That she was pleased with the choice, goes without saying; it was customary for daughters to marry this way and—they were happy in marriage. The girls of earlier times knew that the husband their parents chose for them was determined by God. God willed that he be her life’s companion, and so one submitted from the first moment to all the fortunes of married life with patience and resignation and arranged thought and action accordingly. Marriage of a man and a woman in those days was considered a holy bond that only death could sever, not like today, where the marriage is just based on the good will of the marriage partners. 294 Rarely did dissension or discord occur in marriages contracted the old way. Most of the time, people led a happy, content life until old age, and such a marriage my sister also was allotted by dear God.

Thus did my sister become a bride. From her bridegroom she received precious diamonds sent as a gift and very often, letters that she immediately answered. The exchange of letters was already not without a certain spiritual sympathy, affection, and fondness but were absolutely not emotional. For all that, however, it became clear that they longed for each other and awaited and received a letter with great joy.295

Thus five months slipped by. One morning, while my mother sat with us all at breakfast, she said to my sister: “I hope that your wedding will take place in three months.” At my mother’s words, my sister became pale. My mother began to reassure her cajolingly. With a smile, yet still seriously, she said: “It is time already, you are already eighteen years old!” My sister, however, made no answer, rose quickly from her seat, and went into her room, where she began to sob violently.

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