Loving Your Rebellious Child by Wright Norman H.;

Author:Wright, Norman H.;
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Authentic Media

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I had my dreams. I’ll never forget the time he turned to me during his last year of high school and said, with fury in every word, “You couldn’t bear the thought of your son not going to college.”

It was in that off-campus college home that Kep got into real trouble. And now he was expelled.60

PARENTAL BELIEFS

Beliefs are an important part of life. They give us direction, meaning, stability and hope, among other things. Parents have beliefs about their roles as parents, about what they think is best for their children, and how they want their children to turn out. Some beliefs are good. They’re healthy. Others are unrealistic and unhealthy.

Consider some of the following parental beliefs:

Some parents believe they own or possess their children. They see a child as something to be molded and formed in their hand. Too often, what they have tried to instill in their child is that the parents’ needs, feelings, beliefs, and standards are what matter in life. It’s as though the parents are looking for replicas or clones of themselves. If the parents are successful in this, they’ve helped their child develop into an emotional cripple, unable to separate his own identity from his parents’.

A child is not a possession to keep, but a loan of a life. Ties that bind like those described above have caused children to rebel in dramatic ways, severing themselves from any contact with home just in order to survive.

Some parents believe their adult children are accountable to them. It’s difficult to let loose the reins of accountability after all the years of guiding, consoling, supporting and raising them according to the way we thought they should be raised. Do you ever struggle with the desire to tell your adult child “just one more thing” or to say, “If you’d just do this, you’d see what I’m talking about”? Maybe you think, “If only she’d listen and pay attention and do this!” Once you’ve said something, remember, you’ve said it and it doesn’t need to be said again. Once a child is grown, she must make her own decisions—and her own mistakes.

Some parents believe their children owe them (the parents) loyalty and thanks for all they’ve done. As one writer said:

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