Listening: The Forgotten Skill: A Self-Teaching Guide (Wiley Self-Teaching Guides) by Madelyn Burley-Allen

Author:Madelyn Burley-Allen
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2011-07-29T19:39:00+00:00

GOING NOWHERE CYCLE

Because Margie wasn't listening to her internal thought process in relation to her stressful situation, she was struck in a "Going Nowhere Cycle." She didn't examine the thoughts that caused here to behave this way. Since Margie was unaware of this process, she continued the selfdefeating behavior that resulted in feelings of resentment, irritation and frustration. Margie's Going Nowhere Cycle is shown in Figure 4.1.

FIGURE 4.1

Margie's Going Nowhere Cycle.

When Margie learned to listen to her internal thought process, she saw and understood how her Going Nowhere Cycle kept her stuck in stressful behavior. Because she learned to listen to what she said internally to cause her own stress and negative feelings, she was able to do something about it. She was surprised that she could actually hear a voice inside her head saying, "I have to do everything for everybody-I have to keep everybody happy." This awareness led her to choose to modify her internal thought process, a modification that moved her from a negative to a positive internal dialogue.

She found out this internal Going Nowhere Cycle influenced her to experience the victim mode in the drama triangle. By behaving from the belief that "she had to do everything for everybody," Margie often felt others were persecuting her by making their demands. Until she took the time to listen to her Going Nowhere internal dialogue, she did not realize that she was the person responsible for putting unrealistic demands on herself that led to her experiencing the feeling of being a victim.

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