Laughter Totally is the Best Medicine by Reader's Digest

Author:Reader's Digest
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Reader's Digest

Did you hear about the Broadway actor who broke through the floorboards?

He was just going through a stage.

* * *

My niece was dragged into court by a neighbor who complained about her barking dogs. At one point, the judge asked the neighbor a question. The neighbor didn’t reply. “Sir, are you going to answer me?”

The neighbor leaped to his feet. “Are you talking to me?” he asked. “Sorry; I can’t hear a darn thing.”

The case was dismissed.

—HELEN REYNOLDS

We had just moved to the country from the city when our neighbor came by. “Several of my hogs have gotten loose,” he said. “Have you seen them?”

My concerned husband responded, “What do they look like?”

—BETSY SMITH

Filling out a credit card application, my friend came upon this question: “What is your source of income?”

She wrote: “ATM.”

—MICHAEL MCRAE

I spotted several pairs of men’s Levis at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head.

“I’m still wearing the 33s,” he said. “Come back next year.”

—SALLY THORINSON

When I told my daughter’s boyfriend that I didn’t own a TV set, he was shocked. “If you don’t have a TV,” he asked, “how do you know how to arrange your furniture?”

—MEL VANNICE

My performance in “I’m so sad I can’t make it to your Christmas party” is already generating Oscar buzz.

—@ROBINMCCAULEY

Asked to pick the worst year ever, film director Peter Segal chose 1848, “the year gold was discovered at Sutter’s Mill. Until then, you could find a nice piece of land in California, pitch your tent, and call it home. The housing market here has been a living hell ever since.”

—the Atlantic

Upon hearing yet another name she couldn’t pronounce, my friend said, “In my day, if people were trying to pick a name for their child, they put all their favorites in a kettle and picked one. Today, they just throw the kettle out the window and name the child whatever sound it makes when it lands.”

—R. N.

Scene: Me using the Siri app on my iPhone.

Me: Siri, call my wife.

Siri: Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts.

Me: Samantha Gibbs is my wife.

Siri: I’ve added Samantha Gibbs as your wife.

Me: Call my wife.

Siri: Which wife?

—TAYLOR GIBBS

Stepping up to the counter at a fast-food restaurant, I asked for a baked potato with butter on the side. With the gusto of someone newly employed, the teenager taking my order asked, “Which side?”

—ELIZABETH JONES

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