Karen by Marie Killilea

Karen by Marie Killilea

Author:Marie Killilea
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781504034968
Publisher: Open Road Media


Chapter 13

We had long since given up an occasional cleaning woman or laundress and I was doing these things myself. With Karen’s program, housework, and C.P. activity, considerable responsibility devolved on Marie and Gloria and it was good for them. Watching Karen’s daily struggle to accomplish the simple acts that we take for granted was good for them too, and at an early age they understood the meaning of compassion.

Karen loved music, and we continued to develop her sense of rhythm and tone. We had a combination radio and phonograph; at six, she requested the Nutcracker Suite and at seven the score of La Traviata and “Atchison, Topeka & Santa Fe.”

Each night after dinner, the family would assemble in the living room for fifteen minutes of music. Karen was placed in her parallel bars and we would dance. One night, Marie and I were acting out the “Parade of the Wooden Soldiers” and Karen was “dancing” too, swaying her body and stiffly jerking her legs. Suddenly Marie stopped and ran from the room. I waited for her to come back, and when she didn’t, I went looking for her. She was lying on my bed, sobbing as if her heart were broken.

“Whatever is the matter—are you hurt?” I was dreadfully upset. In all her nine years, I’d never heard her cry like this. I bent over her, looking for I knew not what.

She reached up and grabbed me and pulled me down beside her. Satisfied that the cause was not physical, I let her cry herself out. Her sobs were choking and deep and it was some little while before they began to subside. She turned her tearstained face to mine and her words pierced my heart. “It hurts so to watch her.” The tears flowed afresh. “If only I could give her my legs.”

Although still tiny for her age, Karen had grown during the summer and had gained eight pounds. Carrying her grew daily more difficult, what with the added weight and rigidity of braces.

It was Friday, September 6, 1946. I had just started upstairs with Karen when I stumbled and only by the greatest good luck kept from falling. Considerably shaken, I sat down on the stairs holding her in my lap. “My, she’s heavy,” I thought. “I wonder why I noticed it so suddenly?” Then I realized that for the last three weeks Jimmy had been home on vacation and, counting week-ends, it had been almost a month since I had lifted her.

As I sat there on the dim stairway, a horrible knowledge came to me. It squeezed my heart with a steady grinding pressure.

I hugged Karen close—“Mom, you’re hurting me.” I relaxed my hold and leaned against the wall, cradling her in my arms. All the successes and happiness of the past year were blotted out by recognition—recognition that the most important factor in her growth had been placed beyond our reach, and my tears fell heavy and hot on her upturned face and her body shook with my sobs.



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