Join Me by Danny Wallace

Author:Danny Wallace [Danny Wallace]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Ebury Publishing
Published: 2012-07-05T04:00:00+00:00

CHPATER 15

1. After these things Daniel sojourned heretofore in Greece, and came upon seven princes from the north.

2. And these seven princes were minded to know seven comely daughters of Barnsley, who also were gathered there.

3. But the princes were abashed.

FOR TWO DAYS I sank into a kind of mild depression. Raymond Price had destroyed me. Beaten me. Made me see the pointlessness of it all. I tried not to think about Join Me, or my joinees. Pushed it all out of my mind. Regained control of my life. I was still coming to terms with how I could have been responsible for actively assisting the criminal underclass.

Hanne had been concerned by my mood – she was concerned with me generally nowadays – and suggested I clear my head. I’d been working too hard, she said. I should get away for a few days. And at two o’clock precisely I decided she was right.

‘Hanne, I think I do need to get away,’ I said, out-of-the-blue and rather too loudly.

‘Sssh!’ she said, finger-to-lips.

‘But I need a holiday. You’re right. I’ve been . . . you know . . . working too hard.’

‘Sssssh!’ said Hanne again, eyes wider.

‘I need a break. Maybe we can go to Venice at last. Or somewhere else a bit like it. It might be cheaper to go to one of its twin towns, maybe.’

‘Sssh! Will you shush!’ she said, far more firmly this time, putting my hand in a fearsome grip that caused me to yelp slightly.

You’re not really supposed to talk loudly about going on holiday during the wedding march. You’re supposed to pile all your concentration on the bride walking down the aisle. Another reason I think we can safely say the Church is outdated. Respect really is the death of good conversation.

We were at Jon’s wedding, of course, in a tiny village in Kent, and an hour later, as the two-man band played its cover version of ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’, I told Hanne more about my idea.

‘It’ll be brilliant. Come on, let’s go away. A proper holiday. A chance to forget about things.’

‘What things?’

‘Just things.’

‘Like bollards?’

‘No, not actual things. But yes, if you like. Look, you said it yourself, I’ve been so busy lately. I need a break.’

‘But I don’t. And I’ve got so much on at the moment. Can’t we wait for a while? Venice sounds good. We could go for a weekend, in a couple of months’ time, or something.’

‘Oh. Okay. Never mind.’

‘Look. Why don’t you go away with one of the lads? Or one of your “new friends” you’re always on about? Get refreshed. You’ll come back a new man. Have a few beers, sit in the sun, that sort of thing. I think you’re right. I think it’ll do you good.’

I thought about it. She was right. We were both right. I’d go on holiday. That’d make things better. Hanne turned away to talk to the man next to her, and I stood up to refill my plate from the buffet. Next to me, digging into the sweetcom, was a young man with messy hair.

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