It's Raining Men by Milly Johnson

Author:Milly Johnson
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Fiction, General
ISBN: 9781471114625
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Published: 2013-07-31T23:00:00+00:00

Chapter 38

May was up and drinking tea when Lara arrived back at the cottage. Her legs were knackered from climbing all those stairs. A life in power heels had a detrimental effect on calf muscles, apparently.

‘Hello, missus,’ May greeted her. ‘One has been swimming, I see. How was it?’

‘Absolutely beautiful. You must go and have a swim. Anyway, how are you?’ Lara flicked her towel over the airer that hung from the kitchen ceiling. She thought that May looked very pale.

‘Better for a good sleep, thanks. I need to get the cobwebs blown out of my head so I’m going for a walk. Want to come?’

‘As long as it doesn’t involve any steps at all,’ replied Lara. ‘Just give me five to have a quick shower.’

‘Is Clare staying down there?’ asked May, unlooping her handbag from the chair back.

‘Yep. She’ll have grown gills by the end of the holiday. If she hasn’t already. Oh, and remind me to tell you about my latest embarrassing episode with our landlord. You’ll enjoy it lots.’

The air was so beautifully warm outside. Lara cast a looks-could-kill glance at those stupid clouds that weren’t real clouds. There must be a chemical plant over the headland, she decided. They were probably all being poisoned by gas. She’d ask Jenny what caused them if they decided to call in for a coffee.

May winced for Lara when she heard about the Tourette’s incident. Then she laughed heartily, picturing it all in her head. Her friend really had got off on the wrong footing with Mr Hathersage.

Coming up the hill towards them was a skinny man in jeans and a muscle top with a Jack & Jones logo on the front. His arms were covered in tattoos, one a picture of Marilyn Monroe. He had bright-pink streaks in his hair and mock-croc shoes with long pointed toes. He was holding a North Yorkshire tourism guide. Behind him, travelling at a much slower pace, was another man, much taller and heavier and sporting a more traditional look: curly brown hair, conservative jeans and a plain white T-shirt.

‘Excuse me, girls,’ said the skinny man. His voice was light and effeminate. ‘Have you any idea where the abbey ruins are?’

‘Sorry,’ said May, ‘we aren’t from around here.’

‘Hallelujah,’ said the man. ‘A friendly voice. Gideon, hurry up. I’ve found some real people who aren’t inbred locals.’ He clasped his hands together with delight. ‘We haven’t had a sensible answer since we arrived here. One woman in a wheelchair ran over Gideon’s toe. She was like a bloody mad Dalek. Half expected her to start shouting, “Exterminate, exterminate” at us.’

May and Lara exchanged amused glances. They obviously knew who that was.

‘Hi,’ said Gideon, finally catching up with his friend. ‘I’m Coco’s husband.’

‘Coco?’ said Lara.

‘That’s me.’ The pink-haired man showed off a ring on the third finger of his left hand. ‘I never get tired of showing it off. We thought we’d have a drive around the area. I’ve never been here before, and if this place is anything to go by I never will again.

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