Island of the Sequined Love Nun by Christopher Moore

Author:Christopher Moore
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub, azw3, pdf
Tags: Fiction:Humor
ISBN: 9780060735449
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2004-05-12T10:00:00+00:00

Tucker stormed through the clinic door trailing sand and water across the concrete floor. “Mines! You have fucking land mines on the fucking beach?”

Sebastian Curtis was seated at a computer terminal. He quickly clicked off the screen and swiveled in his chair. “I heard the explosion, but birds and turtles have set them off before. Was anyone hurt?”

“Other than I’m going to hear a high-pitched wail for the rest of my life and my sphincter won’t relax until I’m dead a couple of years, no, no one was hurt. What I want to know is why you have mines on the beach.”

“Calm down, Mr. Case. Please sit down.” The doctor gestured to a folding metal chair. “Please.” He looked sad, not at all confrontational, not like the kind of man who would mine a tropical beach. “I suppose there are some things you need to know. First, I have something for you.” He opened a drawer under the keyboard, withdrew a check, and handed it to Tuck.

Tucker’s rage dropped a level when he looked at the amount. “Ten grand? What’s this for?”

“Call it a first-flight bonus. Beth said you did very well.”

Tucker fingered the check, then brushed the sand off it and read it again. If he had any self-respect, he’d throw it in the doctor’s face. He didn’t, of course. “This is great, Doc. Ten grand for picking up a case of wine. I’m not even going to ask you what was in the cooler she gave that guy, but I was almost killed on the beach a few minutes ago.”

“I’m very sorry about that. There’s a lot of Japanese ordnance scattered around the island. The area at the edge of the fence used to be a minefield. The staff and the natives all know not to go there.”

“Well, you might have mentioned it to me.”

“I didn’t want to alarm you. I told a couple of members of the staff to keep an eye on you and steer you away from there. I’ll speak to them.”

“They’ve been spoken to. I spoke to them myself. And I’m a little tired of being watched by them.”

“It’s for your own safety, as I’m sure you can see now.”

“I’m not a child and I don’t expect to be treated like one. I want to go where I want, when I want, and I don’t want to be watched by a bunch of ninjas.”

The doctor sat bolt-upright in his chair. “Why do you refer to them as ninjas? Who told you to call the staff that?”

“Look at them. They’re Japanese, they wear all black, they know martial arts—hell, the only thing they’re missing are T-shirts that say, ‘Ask me about being a ninja.’ I call them that because that’s what they look like. They sure as hell aren’t medical staff.”

“No, they’re not,” Sebastian said, “but I’m afraid they are a necessary evil, and one that I can’t do much about.”

“Why not? It’s your island.”

“This island belongs to the Shark People. And even this clinic isn’t mine, Mr.

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