Indiscretion by Charles Dubow

Author:Charles Dubow [Dubow, Charles]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: General Fiction
ISBN: 9780062201058
Publisher: Blue Door
Published: 2012-10-01T04:00:00+00:00

3

And what of the third person in this drama? Naturally I don’t include myself. I am merely the amanuensis. What of Claire?

I am filling in details I learned only later. When she is not with Harry, she lives her normal life. He had told her he would not be able to see her for a few weeks, and that he and Maddy would be returning to New York sooner than originally planned. She was excited but also nervous. How would this proximity change their relationship? Would she be able to see him more? Or less? It was a question she ignored, like a crack in the ceiling, knowing that at some point, it would have to be addressed. So she waited.

Waking early while it is still dark. Showering, selecting clothes, underwear. Riding the subway to work. Alone in her thoughts, in her bed. Spending the day on the computer, attending meetings, making phone calls, lunching at her desk or maybe with a colleague, writing e-mails and articles. At night there are yoga classes or dinners with friends. She is popular, as she would be. Pretty girls and ironic young men in narrow suits. Restaurants in Tribeca, Williamsburg. Parties and openings.

The days pass waiting for Harry to call and tell her about their next adventure. She keeps a bag packed by the door. She is content, wrapping herself in a secret, her unguessed-at other life. Hoping for something none of them really wants. Terrified of the consequences but doing nothing to forestall them.

To everyone else she is a single woman. At a dinner party one night, she is seated next to an architect. The hostess, an old friend of hers from college now married, had told her about him. He is about her age, handsome. White teeth. He has sensitive fingers and an easy laugh. He has just come back from Shanghai. It is his third trip there. The city is growing like an anthill, he says. His firm is very busy. The incredible wealth, the drive to create a new future. He is studying Mandarin. Halfway through dinner, it is understood that he will take her home. On the stoop he kisses her. There is a light rain. Can I come up? he asks. She bites her lip, avoiding his eyes. Her hand rests warmly on his chest.

“I’d like to but I can’t,” she says.

“Is there someone else?”

She nods her head. “I’m sorry.”

“I understand,” he says. “I had fun anyway.”

She watches him walk off into the night, turning around and waving at her from the corner. In the taxi, she had decided she would sleep with him but had then changed her mind. For a moment, she almost calls after him.

Why doesn’t she? Why shouldn’t she take her pleasure where she finds it? Why does she deny herself? Does she think that being loyal will swing the balance in her favor or even exonerate her? A sacrifice to appease the gods? That somehow, miraculously, a small act on her part,

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