Improve Your Social Skills by Daniel Wendler

Author:Daniel Wendler [Wendler, Daniel]
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Published: 2014-09-12T04:00:00+00:00

Deepening a New Friendship

Ok, you’ve found someone who seems like quality friend material. You invited them to hang out, and they’ve accepted.

At this point in the relationship, you should be feeling excited. You’ve met a cool person, you enjoy spending time with them, and a friendship is taking off.

But you want to be careful here.

Just like a flower can wither if you give it either too much water or not enough, you want to strike a balance with how much you pursue this new friendship.

In other words, you should pursue a new friend at a steady rate, but not one that is overwhelming. If you hang out with a new friend once, and then start calling them every day, they’re going to feel uncomfortable and may back off from the friendship.

Similarly, if you spend time with them once and never call them again, they’ll probably conclude that you don’t want to be friends after all.

Finding the Middle Ground

Of course, it’s easy to see how either extreme causes problems, but finding the right middle ground is harder. Unfortunately, there’s no perfect way to know how often to spend time with your new friend. It will depend on how well the two of you get along, and how busy your schedules are.

However, a good rule of thumb is to invite them to spend time together at least once a month, and no more than once a week.

Being a rule of thumb, this is obviously only a rough guideline. If you really enjoy spending time together, you may find yourself hanging out multiple times each week, and if they are very busy, you might find you can only hang out less than once per month.

If this sounds complicated, don’t worry. In practice, you’ll find it’s simple to strike the right balance.

Just base the frequency of your invitations to them on the frequency of their invitations to you. If they are frequently inviting you to hang out, then you have a green light to invite them more often. If they rarely invite you to hang out, then you should probably invite them to hang out less frequently. You will quickly get a feel for what works for you and your new friend.

Becoming a Great Friend

Of course, there’s more to friendship that simply knowing how often to spend time together. Growing in friendship means learning how to be a good friend.

Remember, good friends care about each other, enjoy spending time together, and give each other the freedom to be themselves. At the beginning of your friendship, you looked for someone who might be a good friend to you. Now, be a good friend to them.

Show that you care about your friend by asking good questions that show you want to know more about them, and by making the effort to see the world from their perspective.

Help your friend enjoy your time together by having smooth conversation, and by watching for the body language signals that tell you if they are uncomfortable.

And give your friend the

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