I'll Be Here (Matters of the Heart Book 2) by Yesenia Vargas

Author:Yesenia Vargas [Vargas, Yesenia]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2016-08-17T23:00:00+00:00

chapter fifteen

I feel pretty horrible after my argument with Brian.

I get in my car, and I go home, and when my mom and my tía ask me how things went, I walk right past them and straight to my room.

I don't want to say I slam the door, but I do close it pretty hard. When they try to come in my room and ask me if I'm okay, I pretty much just push them away emotionally, get out my blue SAT book, and I try to lose myself in the practice problems I should be studying for the upcoming SAT.

For the next few weeks, I put my head down, I go to school, and I study for that test.

I still talk to Adam. We hang out at school, we talk a little bit in class or at lunch, but that's it. I can tell he knows I'm being cold. I hardly talk to him or anyone else.

That's the way I prefer things right now. I don't feel like talking to anybody or dealing with any kind of drama.

The day comes, and I take the SAT test on a Saturday morning again, but I don't meet up with Adam afterwards for lunch that time. I just go home and I sleep it off, but I want to say I think I did better. A lot better.

And when winter break rolls around, I'm happy that I won't see Brian or Adam for the next three weeks. And during those three weeks, I just shut myself in my room, and I watch lots of YouTube videos and spend the day online, but I don't I don't talk to either Adam or Brian.

Not when Brian texts trying to apologize or when Adam asks if I'm okay, if I want to hang out.

I just ignore them both because, more than ever, I need my space. I want to be happy. But I'm not. So I'm just avoiding everything for now.

I don't want to think about the choices that I need to make or the things that I've done recently, like kissing both Adam and Brian and what it all means. I don't think about all the things I told Brian that night. That there is a real chance of me and Adam going out and becoming more than just friends.

I have never said that out loud before. I had maybe thought about it lately, on a subconscious level. But I can't believe I said it, especially to Brian. When I haven't even said anything to Adam about it.

When I hadn't even really admitted to myself that that could be true. That it wasn't more than just something crazy that happened at my house when we were studying. That maybe I was confused, and I just let it happen.

I try not to think about all of these things, but it's impossible.

No matter how much I throw my focus on school starting again and filling out college applications, making sure I'm doing everything right.

That's another thing. There’s so much to do if I want to get into a decent college.

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