I’m Awesome by Jason Ellis

Author:Jason Ellis [Ellis, Jason]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780062098238
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

PART THREE

10.

OUT WITH THE OLD BITCH, AND IN WITH THE NEW

For Rachel and me, cheating on each other was always secret. That is, until we agreed to try an open relationship. I was gonna fuck some chick, and she was gonna fuck this other guy. I had sex with mine and came back, and then she went with her dude. I remember waiting out the front of the house we were staying in. I was waiting, waiting, waiting. She was supposed to come back at midnight, but she didn’t come home until like three in the morning. I was still out front. He dropped her off, and I was like, “So’d you fuck him?” She said no. “So you just hung out, until three o’clock in the morning?” She said yeah. I’m like, “Well, what the fuck is that? What, do you like him or something?”

That was the beginning of the end. That guy ended up being her boyfriend, secretly. There was this whole fucking drama. It went on for a long time. All these people that knew him wanted to beat me up. He was a thug kind of guy, so he could arrange to make that kind of stuff happen. Strippers—friends of Rachel’s—would be vibing me, telling me I needed to get out of the club. I was like, “I was here first! Who the fuck are you?”

I remember coming back from America, one of the times when Rachel had stayed behind in Australia. I got us a hotel in St. Kilda, and we were in the Jacuzzi having sex, and Rachel started crying. “What’s wrong?” I said. “I’m back. Everything will be fine.” And then I found out. She told me a couple days later. She was crying because she was cheating on the boyfriend that she loved.

Which was not me, apparently.

Still, we were off and on, off and on, for a long time after. For some reason, I insisted on torturing myself. I went to America again, and I came back with an engagement ring. Like, maybe a thousand bucks? That was a lot of money for me. Fucking idiot. I went to Chapel Street, in Prahran, one town over from St. Kilda, and I saw them. I knew his bike. I knew everything about him. I saw him ride by, with her on the back. I took the ring and just threw it. Up in the air, over this store behind me. Well, there goes that. I went to a 7-Eleven, and they had a life-sized cardboard cutout of Rachel. It was an advertisement for some kind of soda, I think. She modeled for it. It was like I couldn’t get away from her.

I was obsessed with that dude for a long time. It tore me up that she left me to be with him.

This was when I truly became abusive with alcohol. I always drank and partied. But during this time—when I would keep breaking up and making up with her—that’s when I built the tolerance that I would later pay the price for.

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