Humor for the Holidays by Bernadette Franklin

Author:Bernadette Franklin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pen & Page Publishing

“I am the idiot ruling over all idiots,” I announced, eyeballing the bottle of sparkling wine taunting me from its bucket of ice. The alcohol would take the edge off of dealing with Manhattan traffic on Halloween. A ridiculous number of limousines added to the typical New York congestion. Pointing at the window, I waited for Clarissa to figure out the problem.

“They’re probably all headed to the same place we are.”

“It might be faster to walk.”

Clarissa snorted and lifted her leg to show off her pointy stilettos. “In these shoes?”

My shoes weren’t much better. “We could take them off and walk barefoot.”

“In Manhattan on Halloween? You need to have your head examined. Also, you’re full of complaints tonight. We’re going to a party. It won’t kill you to have some fun, I promise.”

“I think we have dramatically different opinions on what counts as fun, Clarissa. I’ve heard about rich people parties. They’re excessive, and everyone judges everyone else by who they’re with, how much money they make, who they talk to, or who they’ve screwed. By bringing me to this party, you will be ranked as the lowest of the low. Then, since that’s bad enough, the pecking order is also based on how much money one has to spend on things. You’re more like the ruling class on that one, but my presence still dumps you to the back of the pack. Prove I’m wrong. I’m going to be on the absolute last rung because you’re probably the only person crazy enough to bring your destitute Jersey friend to a Manhattan penthouse party.” Being surly all night long would ruin everyone’s fun, mine most of all, so I drew in a deep, cleansing breath. “My Prada might haunt you from its grave. I’m just warning you this is probable.”

“You don’t even believe in ghosts, witches, or anything that might classify as supernatural.”

“I do for tonight only.”

“I can work with that as long as you aren’t haunting me from your grave. I don’t want you to die.”

“The Prada is probably coming for me first, so you’re going to get a double dose of hauntings.”

“That does not sound like a good way to go. I’m too beautiful to be murdered by the vengeful ghosts of my friend and her dress.”

“But at least you’d be haunted by a Prada? You could be haunted by a floating white sheet.”

“As I have standards, I’m forced to agree with you. You’re nervous. It’s just a party, Shirley.”

“Lee. Please. Spare me from the indignity of calling me Shirley to people. Lee. Just Lee. And text your mother that she’s to call me Lee. Then, once this is over, the crazy rich people attending the party won’t be able to find me.”

“All they’d have to do to find you is ask us for your address.”

“You could refuse to tell them. And anyway, there’s no ‘them.’ No one would actually be interested in finding me after this party.”

“I beg to differ. You’re a hot witch, you have a badass hat, and those crystals on your belt were a stroke of genius.

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