How to Work for an Idiot, Revised and Expanded with More Idiots, More Insanity, and More Incompetency by John Hoover

Author:John Hoover
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Career Press
Published: 2011-06-15T16:00:00+00:00

5

Banishing Talent

The congressional resolution proposing an early warning system for Idiots among the general population was shot down in committee as politically incorrect. That makes me suspicious. The only people who object to issuing Idiot alerts are Idiots. That’s because they don’t see themselves as a threat to operational effectiveness in the workplace or to the health and psychological well-being of their team members. What many Idiots do sometimes see as a threat to their own health and psychological well-being, however, is competency. Idiots often perceive competent and talented people as threats—not because they have anything against accomplishment, but because their bosses might expect them to actually accomplish something. Machiavellians are shrewd enough to lay claim to your accomplishments and present them up the food chain to higher-ups as their own. Idiots would rather just keep talent out of it altogether.

In your I-Boss’s twisted logic, if nobody’s doing anything worthwhile, he won’t be expected to accomplish anything worthwhile, either. If there are no talented people in the immediate vicinity, the Idiot Boss’s chances of flying below senior management’s radar are greatly improved. Ergo, the best way to make sure no one in the department demonstrates talent is to banish it altogether.

Remember the principles behind Idiot procreation from Chapter 4:

Idiot is promoted beyond Idiot’s competency.

Idiot prefers not to tell spouse he is going to return the raise, stock options, extra vacation, Lexus benefits package, parking spot next to the building, and corner office.

Idiot prefers not to publicly admit shortcomings (if Idiot is even aware of shortcomings); ergo, seeking coaching or any form of learning and development is out.

Idiot begins hiring sycophants, thus forming a protective cocoon around Idiot Boss’s new position.

Sycophants occupy office space and payroll that would otherwise be occupied by talented contributors.

All of the Idiot’s energy and resources (the company’s resources, mostly) are committed to protecting the Idiot Boss’s dirty little secret.

Protective cocoon deflects problems Idiot Boss is incapable of dealing with.

Idiot Boss looks like a genius.

If problem penetrates Idiot Boss’s defensive perimeter (cocoon), and Idiot Boss screws up big time, costing company millions, Idiot Boss begins firing sycophants from easily accessible stable of sacrificial lambs.

Idiot Boss looks decisive and powerful.

Idiot Kahunas that hired and/or promoted Idiot Boss in the first place give Idiot Boss a promotion and a raise.

Executive search firm is hired to locate new Idiot Boss to replace recently promoted Idiot Boss.

STEP FIVE FOR RECOVERING IDIOTS: “ADMIT TO MY HIGHER POWER, TO

MYSELF, AND TO OTHERS THE NATURE OF MY WRONGS.”

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