Homes and Other Black Holes
Author:Dave Barry
Format: mobi
Tags: Parodies, Humor, Humour, Form, House buying, Political, Form - Essays, General, Topic, House selling, Essays, Humour: Collections & General
ISBN: 9780345394408
Publisher: Ballantine Books
Published: 1995-05-01T05:00:00+00:00
run around shrieking and getting dirt in your hair
hold elaborate funerals for stuffed animals
lie on your back next to a friend and make burping noises until one of you
laughs so hard that he pees in his pants
pretend you are fighting evil aliens from the Planet Kawoomba, who can be
defeated only by spit
And so on. Of course, today we realize that children need to have a
great deal of structure in the form of leagues and uniforms and referees and
team photographs and trophies and dozens of parents standing on the sidelines
shrieking like mental patients. So unless you are some kind of low-life
child-abusing vermin, one of the first things you'll do when you move to your
new home is enroll your children in Little League, soccer, and midget
football, as well as a scouting program, not to mention gymnastics, ballet,
violin, karate, computer, tennis, and helicopter-piloting lessons. You want
your child's life to become so structured that he or she is incapable of
fooling around in his or her own yard without detailed instructions from a
coach. ("OK, Jason! Burp! NO, dammit! Not that way!")
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