HEY, U UP? (For a Serious Relationship) by Emily Axford

Author:Emily Axford
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Abrams
Published: 2018-03-16T04:00:00+00:00

ESTABLISHING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES AND TRUST

(UNLESS THEY LEAVE THEIR EMAIL OPEN)

Trust issues are a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you refuse to let someone in because you’re afraid of getting hurt, you’ll push them away, which will lead to them 69-ing some stranger at their work convention in Milwaukee.10 People tend to live up to our expectations of them—whether you treat your S.O. like a faithful partner or a sociopath bent on collecting genital warts, they’re likely to fill the role. You’ve been in this relationship for several months now, and you can’t move forward without making yourself vulnerable. You have to be able to trust your partner.

Unless they, like, leave their phone unlocked while they’re taking a long shower.

You can’t fall in love unless you allow yourself to fall all the way. Or, at least almost all the way. Like just short of not picking up their unlocked phone so you can take a quick peek at their alerts. If they didn’t want you to look at it, they wouldn’t have just left it sitting there. And you can see their push notifications without scrolling through anything, so no harm, no foul. Again, you trust them. It’s not snooping if you’re still on the home screen.

Show your partner the same courtesy they have shown you. A relationship cannot succeed with double standards. If you can go out with your friends, why interrogate them when they go out with theirs? If they don’t wait up for you, why do you wait up for them? If you would never leave your phone just sitting there unlocked, why did they? They must have nothing to hide. Consent to browse is implied.

By keeping your guard up, you limit the risk of getting hurt—but you also limit your chances of finding happiness. In the end, the risk is what makes it worth it. Speaking of risk, they probably aren’t going to be in that shower much longer, so go ahead and do a quick word search in their text history for the first name of that cutie they work with. Again, love is about letting yourself be vulnerable, and what is more vulnerable than a phone without a passcode?

You will have moments of weakness. Be upfront about your feelings. Rather than burying your insecurity and harboring resentment, have a conversation. Chances are, whatever you’re suspicious about has an easy explanation and you can both have a laugh about it. Like this “happy birthday” text they got from that cute coworker you just discovered while going full Snowden on their phone. At least, they better have an explanation! And it better be fucking funny!

Honesty is a two-way street. If you admit that you found the offending birthday text, and winky-face emoji, by borderline hacking their phone, you’re depriving them of the opportunity to be honest with you. Instead, set up an elaborate trap, wherein you pretend that you’ve been getting flirty texts from your hot coworkers to see if they confess to getting flirty texts from theirs. If

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