Heiress Apocalypse by Swanson Peter Joseph

Author:Swanson, Peter Joseph [Swanson, Peter Joseph]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2013-08-16T22:00:00+00:00

*

At the midday conference in the king’s tent the debate was what one does with a prisoner from the mountain. Ande was the only one who spoke in her defense. “You’ve got a hot pot of dogfat, there. Keep it!”

King Scrote frowned. “Puckus, what do you know? You’re just a stupid whore.”

Ande smoothed back his hair, hoping the gesture could push concise thoughts into his head. It gave him a moment to think. “That mountain contains everything you guys will ever need to live in comfort for the rest of your lives and the lives of your great-grandchildren. You now have some official looking person from that place. So there’s got to be a way, if we’re clever enough, to use her for something. Why toss her out on her ear without trying. Use her. Right? Are you guys listening to me, here?”

King Scrote was negative.

“Oh, come on with it! Think!”

“It’s so obvious why I’m king and you’re not. You have no wisdom.”

A bell rang and a scout entered.

“What?” King Scrote asked, impatiently.

The scout bowed and explained, “King Scrote, steam or smoke has been reported pouring out of several openings of the evil mountain. It seems they’ve had an explosion or fire of some sort. We spotted groups of people leaving it.”

“Were they all killed?”

“No, king, we’re just scouts. But the slingshot division did kill one of their scouts with a motorbike.”

“Our bike killed him?”

“No, a boot to the face.”

“Not a slingshot?”

“No, king.”

“They were always a bad aim.” King Scrote turned to Ande. “Well Puckus? What do you say to that? What’s there to plunder if it’s all on fire? You’re always stupid. I think I’ll make you our buffoon. Strip off all your filthy clothes and dance for us on the table. On your hands. Like you used to. Upside-down! If you’ve become too old and weak I’ll soup your gumballs! Be our clown!”

Ande wanted to be taken seriously. “This could be an opportunity. Allow me to give it a bit of thought. You know I can be wonderful. King Scrote, I beg you. Humor me on this.”

“Dance on your head!” King Scrote repeated. “Buffoon!”

Ande cringed. It seemed so undignified—for once he cared about that.

“Have you gone soft? You don’t look like yourself.”

“It’s just that I’d rather not…”

“You can scheme as you dance, Puckus, and you’d better dance well.”

Ande slipped out of his clothes and carefully laid them out flat under him on the table so that as he danced on them they wouldn’t be stolen away and he’d lose his secret weapon. Then he did a handstand.

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