Hate Mail from Cheerleaders: And Other Adventures in the Life of Reilly by Rick Reilly

Author:Rick Reilly [Reilly, Rick]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Time Inc. Home Entertainment
Published: 2008-05-13T04:00:00+00:00

Postscript: At a book-signing in Phoenix in 2006, a man came up to me and said, “Can I show you something?” And he lifted up his shirt and showed me a scar on his back. “I donated my kidney because of you.” He wouldn’t even tell me his name. He said he just gave it to the general donor’s bank and it went to somebody at the top of the list. Doesn’t even know who got it. How cool is that?

50

* * *

Crunch Time for Dad

* * *

JUNE 6, 2005

DAD? YEAH, SON? WHAT’S THAT on TV? Oh, well, pal, that’s uh, that’s the volume control. But we usually just use the remote. No, Dad. The commercial. What’s Viagrow? Via-GRA. Well, that’s, see, that’s nothing you really need to know about until you’re on, like, your third hip.

Mom said I was supposed to ask you. Viagra, See Alice and Lavoris—she said to ask you about all of them.

Cialis and Levitra. She did?

Yeah.

Pal, have you ever really looked at our ceiling down here? Because if you look at the ceiling tiles, you can make out animal shapes. Like, look right there, I see an elephant!

What?

Hey, look, the game’s back on! Let’s just sit here and watch the game, want to?

(Pause.)

Hey! There it is again, behind home plate! It says Viagra.

Jeez, that’s some amazing coincidence, huh?

What’s it mean, on the Cialis ads, when they say you should call your doctor if you get a four-hour—

Hey! I just found a nickel in the couch! You want to look for more? You can keep anything you find!

Dad, does Levitra help you throw the football straighter? Because the guy in the commercial uses Levitra, and then he can throw spirals right through the swinging tire. Because that might help me make starting quarterback next year.

No, no, it’s really not about football, buddy.

Well, how come Mike Dinka was always on TV talking about Levitra? He played football.

DIT-ka. I can’t imagine how broke he had to be to do that ad, to be honest.

Doesn’t Viagra help you hit home runs? Because the guy for the Orioles, Rafael Palmerror, he did ads for it. And he’s got more than 500 homers!

Palmei-RO. Well, no, I don’t think it helps you hit home runs. But you know what? I think SpongeBob SquarePants might be coming on!

Is it illegal or something? Is it like when Sammy Sosa corked his bat?

Is it like corking your bat? Well, kinda yes, but kinda no.

Did baseball players advertise Viagra when you were a kid, Dad?

No! I mean, I can’t see Mickey Mantle doing a Viagra ad. “Hi, I’m Mickey Mantle! And whenever I have trouble becoming….” Ah, never mind.

When we watch NASCAR, I see it on Mark Martin’s car. VIAGRA. He got the pole position in the last race. Does Viagra help him get the pole position?

Psheesh! Really, son, don’t worry about these ads for Viagra and all that, because a bill was just introduced in Congress to keep those commercials off our TV until after 10 p.

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