[Hannah 02] • Other Halves by Alexander Nick

Author:Alexander, Nick [Alexander, Nick]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Romance, Contemporary
ISBN: 9781845027643
Amazon: B00GL9R6MO
Goodreads: 18810205
Publisher: Black and White
Published: 2013-12-12T00:00:00+00:00

The concept of a whole spectrum of normality was, though obvious to some, a revelation to me, and trying to reply to that question of quite where on it I belonged opened the floodgates to every fear, every hope, every doubt I had ever experienced. Mostly in tears, I told Jenny about my marriage, about my reasonably satisfactory sex life with Hannah, about my tentative fumblings with men, about Glen, and Tristan, and even about being caught looking at men on Grindr in France.

Jenny nodded and smiled sympathetically at me throughout, as though none of this shocked her, as though all of this belonged on her personal spectrum of normality.

The session went by too fast, and it ended too soon. I felt as if steam was gushing out of an escape valve and I wanted that to continue, but Jenny insisted that an hour of such intensity was enough and that having some time to decompress before the next session really was the best way to proceed.

She advised me to take the afternoon off if I could. She said I’d be feeling tired and emotional for a few hours at least and that I would need some time to digest everything that had happened.

I told her that I couldn’t possibly do that, that I needed to get back to work, that I had things to finish before the Christmas break, but though this was true, when it came to it, I couldn’t face work. Instead, when I got back to Farnham, I walked right past the office entrance and headed on to the park where I walked, impervious to the faint drizzle, and tried in an unfocussed manner to think about the subject of my sexuality. But it seemed, that day, as if the more I tried to think about it, the vaguer my thinking got. It felt as if the subject was too big to be held in my head at one time, like trying to remember a rapidly fleeting dream the morning after. I felt exhausted and depressed, but also, deep down, aware of a tiny sprouting seedling of hope that, with Jenny’s help, everything might be all right.

When I got home that evening, Luke was already back from Billy’s house. His first question, before I even took my coat off, was, “Dad, can we go get the PlayStation from the house? I need it.”

I looked at him and smiled weakly. This intrusion of normal life into my brain, exhausted with self-analysis, felt like a gift.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” I told him. “If you start carting it back and forth, it’ll end up getting damaged.”

“But—”

“What I was thinking, is that maybe we need to get another PlayStation for here,” I told him. “I thought that might be your main Christmas present this year.”

“Wow.”

“Good idea?”

“Yeah. But can we get an Xbox instead?”

“But all your games are for the PlayStation.”

“I know, but Billy’s got loads. I could borrow them.”

I pulled a face.

“Oh go on, Dad!”

“How much is an Xbox?”

“About the same as a PS3.

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