Guys in Suits by Van Whitfield

Author:Van Whitfield
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-01-09T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 2

The Stockbroker

That Same Day

Stuart

Women are like Firestone tires. They should come with expiration dates.

Think about it.

After sixty days, they lose it. It’s why intelligent, desirable men like me lived by the “60 day rule,” a theory that made the rounds during my junior year at Princeton.

The first two weeks, days one to fourteen, actually work. They were known as the “Glory Days.” This is a time spent in a state of semiblissful ignorance. You like each other. You actually want to talk. And when you scribble your names together, it brings a smile.

Weeks three and four, the “realm of reality,” are different. Concern creeps in and the gloss eerily wears off. The fresh perm from week one needs, can we say, a touch-up. And when you blow bubbles with your straw in a glass of Coke, she’s no longer impressed with what she thought was youthful energy during the first two weeks; now she thinks you’re childish. You start to see each other as real people as opposed to the can-do-no-wrong slices of perfection you’d always dreamed of and concocted in your mind.

The fifth and sixth weeks are filled with anxiety. We called this the “Prozac Period.” She’s worried about your real intentions and you’re worried that you’re already in over your head. But the real stress is simple—you both want to hop in the sack, to see if getting to the next two weeks is worth it.

And the “Dawn of Destruction,” the final two weeks, represent a time of cold, brutal reality. The huge mistake from the Prozac Period (i.e., sleeping together) comes to fruition. You both regret it and wish you could take it back. She’s worried that you see her as another notch on your belt, and you’re worried that she sees you as the man she’s ready to settle down with. You no longer scribble the other’s name in delight. You sneer and mark through it in contempt. And the sad, sad truth is that both of you want exactly the same thing.

To be back at the first two weeks.

And this is precisely where women lose it.

Instead of walking away, they believe in working things out. The guy’s ready to go. He understands the 60 day rule. But she insists, “If you just communicate with me—like you did in the first week! —we can work this out.” She just doesn’t realize the only thing he really wants to communicate is his desire to move on, and get another 60 day lease on happiness. He knows it will never work, but he won’t say a word because guys are wimps.

Thankfully, happening men like myself weren’t often forced to do the wimp thing. The 60 day rule was my credo. I followed it to the letter and I was usually happy with the results. I met lots of women. Went out as often as I could. And instead of chasing women down and playing the pursuit game, I made them—check me out!

Check me out!

Those words were like gold.

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