Grow the F*ck Up by Sarah Knight

Author:Sarah Knight [KNIGHT, SARAH]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Little, Brown and Company
Published: 2023-04-04T00:00:00+00:00

BOUNDARY HOW TO RESPECT IT

Your friend says they don’t want to talk about their IVF struggles because it stresses them out. Don’t keep asking how the latest round went, no matter how supportive you think you’re being.

Your date tells you they are saving themselves for marriage. Do not push them to have sex with you tonight… or to elope.

Your partner asks you not to bring up politics right before going to sleep, because it gives them nightmares. Do not read AOC tweets aloud in bed, no matter how “fire” they may be.

On a final note, and as my editor wisely pointed out (Hi Mike!)—by now you may be thinking I totally get what you’re saying, but what happens when someone else’s boundaries conflict not with my “desires” or “preferences” but with my needs?

Like, say, the need to do your job? I gotcha. Let’s discuss.

Maybe you have a boss whose expressed boundary is “Please do not send me emails. I get too many of them. If you need something from me, come by my office and ask in person.”

But that boss is never in their office when you make the trek down the hall. Or their door is always closed. Or it’s open, but when they see you hovering outside they give you the stink eye and you lose your nerve to approach. All of which is wasting your time and seriously impacting your ability to get shit done, and all of which is also drawn directly from my own experience as a twenty-two-year-old editorial assistant.

It’s a pickle, but a TFG uses their considerable critical thinking skills to come up with a solution. I’ll talk much more about being resourceful in part III, but a quick example here might be:

Call before you stop by. (Assuming there’s been no moratorium placed on phone communication too… )

If your boss has a secretary, assistant, or shared calendar, make a formal appointment. This may require extra organization on your part, and a little more lead time, but it would be worth it to get your questions answered or permission granted so you can move forward.

If you stop by when the door is closed, leave a message with the secretary/assistant asking for a good time to come back. If there is no gatekeeper, you could try leaving a note on the door. Hey, it’s not an email.

If the stink eye scares you, what did I tell you here about sucking it up, Buttercup? Knock, enter, and hope for the best. I believe in you.

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