Go, Mutants! by Larry Doyle

Author:Larry Doyle
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins

“neep neep, you hairless monkeys!”

Marshall the Martian was squat, fairly hairless and, for this low-paying appearance, costumed only from the shoulders up:

his face and head grease-painted baby-poop green;

black rubber tentacles sprung limply from his neck;

and a tiny silver cape safety-pinned to the shoulders of a cheap suit.

Anything more than that, he wanted carfare.

“Neep neep!” shouted Tubesteak back, feeling he had made a celebrity friend. He looked to Sandra Jane for affirmation, again failing to note how amazing her dress was or how strenuously her breasts were trying to escape it.

“Take off that stupid hat,” Sandra Jane said.

Tubesteak grabbed the porkpie he had chosen to offset his green sharkskin jacket and cocked it at her.

“That’s my personality, baby!”

Marshall waited out the parroting of the devoted, the neep neep’s and Prepare to be probed!’s and Die, puny Earthling!’s, all fully trademarked and printed on twelve thousand T-shirts sitting unsold in his garage, and went into his basic package.

“Are you ready to gyrate in a grotesque simulation of biological reproduction?!”

They were.

“Inoculators and incubators, collide your appendages for”—he demonstrated hand clapping for those new to the custom—“Chromium!”

Chromium, a quartet of slumming rhythm-and-blues musicians, launched into a serviceable version of a Davie Jones tune. The Martian exited, pursuing check.

Warm orange and amber spots swept the gym, traversing the center circle, where Russ was holding half-court. Toad and Ice arrived with drinks for the girls. Marie tasted hers, gave it back. It was pure grain alcohol, possibly sweetened with cough syrup. Sandra Jane sent Tubesteak for a second one.

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