Fried & True by Fay Jacobs

Author:Fay Jacobs
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781612940748
Publisher: Bywater Books
Published: 2016-04-25T04:00:00+00:00

June 2005

LETTERS FROM CAMP REHOBOTH

PAW & ORDER—SPECIAL VICTIM’S UNIT

With murderer Scott Peterson safely behind bars and Michael Jackson’s infamous acquittal on child molestation charges (don’t get me started on that) the country is abuzz with legal groupies. Story after story fixates on those who stray from the righteous, flaunt the rules, and laugh in the face of authority.

Of course, the airwaves (or cables) are filled with this crime stuff (Runaway Bride! Aruba Tourist missing!) so nobody has to cover any real news and find out how many people are being killed in Iraq or how low the dollar has sunk in foreign lands.

The line between news and entertainment (infotainment?) is blurring so badly that real juries are letting people go free because they aren’t getting the kind of proof they see every night on CSI. I hope the acquitted Robert Blake is appropriately appreciative of what prosecutors are calling this CSI effect.

And now that the Watergate scandal’s Deep Throat has been revealed, the only mystery left is whether or not I have aged as badly as Woodward and Bernstein. Gee, did you look at those guys? Do we look as old as they do?

Since crime is such big news these days, with criminals all over the evening news, I was shocked that nobody got wind of one of the biggest criminal cases ever to hit Sussex County. We are obsessed with criminals and they are us.

It’s true. My mate and I did something so heinous, so egregious, so totally against the law that our auto insurance rates skyrocketed, people smirked as they viewed our driving records and we were sentenced to spend an entire afternoon wrangling with the geniuses who work, and I use that term loosely, at the Motor Vehicle Department.

What was this wicked attack against convention, our crime of the new century? You’ll be aghast.

The whole sordid affair began when my spouse called me at my office to say we were looking for cheaper car insurance. Okay, whatever.

After getting her new quote she called back, shrieking that she was about to be charged a whopping $75 extra each month because of some serious black mark the insurance company discovered on her driving record.

Okay, she’s been caught speeding a time or two but this sounded worse than going 37 in a 25 mph zone in Ellendale.

“The clerk said it was something very, very bad, like resisting arrest, or stealing a car,” Bonnie told me.

“What do you mean LIKE resisting arrest? Either you did or didn’t.” I pictured my mate being handcuffed, thrown to the hood of the Volkswagen and frisked by some surly female trooper.

“Don’t you think this is something you might remember?” I suggested.

And if she had stolen a car, why wasn’t there a Cadillac CTS in my garage? Stealing a car? I think not.

“The report didn’t say exactly what you did?” I inquired.

“No,” Bonnie whined, “the insurance company just said that the code for the infraction indicated something really, really bad and I’d have to pay a lot if I still wanted insurance.

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