Frank Get the Door! by Janey Godley

Author:Janey Godley [Godley, Janey]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Luath Press Ltd
Published: 2020-12-15T00:00:00+00:00

Test and Protect

26 May 2020

FM: Hi there, it’s Nicola here. Ah’m wearin ma nice wee summer check jacket.

Well, today is all about Test and Protect. Remember ages ago it was Trace, Isolate, Test and Support… and anyhow, that came oot as TITS. So we’re now goin for Test and Protect. Basically, if you’ve goat any symptoms, from Thursday you contact nhsinform.scot.

Now I know it sounds like your grassin everybuddy up but basically what we’re doin is, if you’ve got any symptoms you get tested and then you tell us everybuddy you’ve been in contact wi so we can nail this fucker o a virus doon an try an make sure we use technology to get us out of the Lockdown.

So Test and Protect on nhsinform.scot. That’s what we’re gauin for, it’s gonnae be like the wurld’s biggest computer game, but it’s savin lives.

Right, we’re gonnae go for a question and Ah fuckin hope it’s no aboot Dominic Cummings.

Q: What’s your reaction to the resignation today of Douglas Ross?

FM: Well, ferr fucks tae him. Ah mean, he’s not gonnae stand by while aw his constituents have hudtae isolate and no attend funerals. Ah mean, no everybuddy’s got Dominic’s back and we’ve been through this and Ah still don’t understand how a man’s got blurry vision an decides tae jump in a car wi a kid tae see if he can drive. Fuck knows how that works! But it is what it is and Ah’m done talkin aboot him. Ah don’t even wantae hear his name again.

Right guys, the sun’s oot, Ah’m askin you tae stay in the house just now, stick wi the Lockdown rules. Things are gonnae ease up soon and we wull get oot ae this. Thanks very much fur stickin wi it. TEST AND PROTECT is the new words, you can see them there.

Right, Ah’m oottae here. See you all tomorrow and have a good day. Right. Aw, ma feet are killin me.

FRANK get the door! Ah want a wee chicken salad.

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