Four Blondes by Candace Bushnell

Author:Candace Bushnell
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Grove/Atlantic, Inc.
Published: 2000-09-21T16:00:00+00:00

WINNIE MAKES A DECISION

Winnie wants to be loved.

She wants to be cherished. She wants to be valued. (She doesn’t really know what “cherished” means. Does anyone?) She wants a man to say, “I love you, Winnie. You’re so beautiful.”

She wants him to give her a nice piece of jewelry.

Is that asking too much?

Was she ever really loved? Her mother loved her. (She would rush home from school to see her mother. They would go to the supermarket together. And to Ann Taylor. Her mother bought her sweaters and skirts in bright colors. Kneesocks. She wore kneesocks even in college. Headbands too.)

Her father criticized her. A lot. About everything she did. (If she got straight As, and she did get straight As most of the time, he said, “That’s what I expect. That’s what I expect from a child of mine.”)

Her father made her feel like she wasn’t good enough. Like she was missing something (maybe some brain cells). That was his favorite trick.

“Winnie,” he would say. “What’s your address?”

“One, one, one . . .”

“You’re so stupid.”

She was three and a half. And she could read. How can you be stupid when you’re three and a half?

“Winnie? Which is bigger? The sun or the moon?”

It was a trick question, and she had known it was a trick question. (She knew that she wasn’t good at trick questions. She always overtricked herself). “The moon?”

“You’re so stupid.” (She was four.)

Her father didn’t understand her. (Neither does James.) She couldn’t understand him (her father. And James). Couldn’t understand why everything she did was wrong. (What did he want? What did men want? Nothing. Maybe to be left alone.) Couldn’t understand why whatever her father said was law, even if he was wrong. (Why did she have to listen to him? Why couldn’t he listen to her?) And he often was wrong. He let their French poodle run without a leash, and he got attacked by a German shepherd. (“I knew he would,” Winnie sobbed. “Shut up,” he said.)

“I’m tough on you, Winnie,” he said. “I have to be. You’re lazy. If I’m not hard on you, I don’t know how you’ll turn out.”

She certainly is smart enough (she’s achieved a lot). Why does she have to fight for every ounce of respect? James doesn’t.

Why does everyone make her feel like a bitch? For standing up for herself. “You’ve got to learn to stand up for yourself, Winnie,” her father said. “Because nobody else will.”

He was right. Nobody else has ever stood up for her. Especially men.

What a useless gender. Ever since she was four and had to go to school with them and then her mother actually had one, she’s believed they should just be eliminated. Aborted. Okay, a few could be allowed to live. But only for their sperm. And they’d have to be excellent specimens.

What was all that crap about men that she grew up with? That one day, one of these (pitiful) specimens was going to fall in love with her

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