Fiegel, Michael - Blackbird by Fiegel Michael

Author:Fiegel, Michael [Fiegel, Michael]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing
Published: 2017-07-15T04:00:00+00:00

Ever After

05/07/2014

These men, Xtian,” I told her more than once. “You have no idea what they are capable of.”

The last time, she looked at me and smiled. “I think I do,” she said. And I guess she did, eventually. Three days ago. If she had not quite figured it out before then, she knew before the end exactly how terrible people can be. People like me.

I am not the best at what I do, but neither am I the worst of what we are. Those I work with stand for nothing and will stand for almost anything—no morals, no compunctions, no ideologies in the way. Murderers, arsonists, tax evaders, rapists, serial killers, child molesters, car bombers, suicidal antisocial bastards. We will do anything we are paid to do, whether that involves killing or arson or mere terror, whether we target one man or twenty, or twenty thousand. Whatever it takes, and for whatever reason, as long as the money is good, and sometimes even when it is not. This is why they use us. We can do anything that needs doing, and we will. And when they are done with us, we are easily disposable. Lunatics and lone wolves. Conspiracy theorists and psychopaths.

According to some calculations, one percent of everyone is what might be considered a psychopath. Seventy million people, worldwide. Lawyers, politicians, serial killers. These are the people I introduced her to. Let her work with. Yes, let. I was complicit. I let her. I could have refused, could have taken her away, could have … what? Left it all behind? For what?

For a girl?

I could not have done that, walked away to be something I am not. But there are things I could have done. Warned her sooner. Refused to let her go alone. Paid more attention to what was going on. There were signs I missed, or ignored. Signs I am seeing now, as I sit here and run it all through my head again, trying to decide what to do with myself now. Where I might go. Who I might go with. These were easy questions when Xtian was around. I got used to having someone around. Now there is no one, and I need to get used to being alone again.

I hope she is dead. It feels odd to write that, but I do. I think it is probably better if she is. Because if she is not dead, I can imagine what is going to happen to her. All too vividly. Things that have happened to me, in the past. And worse. Which is why when we arrived in California, the first thing I did was show her how to kill herself.

Priorities.

• • •

I remember it like it was two days ago. She was wearing a white shirt bought at the thrift store, well-stretched out at the sleeves and waist, hanging loose over dark blue jeans and all the way down to her thumb pads, tips of her fingers visible, unbroken, unpolished nails, which she tapped on the desk specifically to annoy me.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.