F U, Penguin: Telling Cute Animals What's What by Matthew Gasteier

Author:Matthew Gasteier [Gasteier, Matthew]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2010-10-04T23:00:00+00:00

Deer like to take time out of their busy days roaming the forest and eating leaves to come into a clearing so onlookers can get a glimpse of them. They always claim to do this “for the people,” but it’s really because deer are huge attention whores. If they walked out into the open and no one turned to look, they would probably do something embarrassing like run in front of a car and just stand there, practically begging for someone to notice them.

Well, today is the day, Deer, because I am NOT impressed. I’m just having breakfast on my porch here, I didn’t come outside to be awed by the planet’s beauty and the fleeting nature of our time on earth. So why don’t you wipe that smirk off your face, the one that’s like you’re saying, “This is really gonna make their day,” and back right up into that forest and go find me something interesting to look at, like one of those 3-D posters.

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