Everything's Still There by Kalyn Fogarty

Author:Kalyn Fogarty
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: CROOKED LANE BOOKS

I’ve always been good at tests, especially multiple choice. The correct answer to these questions:

Of course, I can laugh and see the funny side of things as much as ever.

I’ve never blamed myself for things that go wrong.

I’m not panicky or scared, no, not at all.

I check the boxes I’m supposed to, eager to get an A on this test since I’m pretty sure I failed all the others. My own mental state is something I can control, but Cody’s sleep cycle and my breast milk and weight loss are another story.

Dr. Felix skims the questionnaire and frowns. “Brynn,” she says, before pushing her glasses back on her head, her long blond hair framing either side of her delicate face. On the shelves behind her desk, I notice a framed photo of her three daughters, all blond and elf-like, just like mommy.

“Yes?” I ask, my voice quiet. Suddenly I feel like I’ve been called into the principal’s office. It only ever happened to me once, in fifth grade. I was caught looking over the shoulder of the girl in front of me during a social studies test. I wasn’t cheating, per se. I simply wanted to check that we had the same answer to one of the questions. We did. I didn’t change my answer or anything. I explained this to the principal, and after lecturing me on keeping my eyes to myself and the importance of answering test questions honestly for the sake of my education, he sent me off with a lollipop and a pat on the shoulder. This feels weirdly similar.

Before the doctor can answer, Cody blinks his eyes open and looks around the room. Once he realizes he’s no longer in the car or in my arms, he does his favorite thing. Scream. He writhes against the chest strap, his cheeks puffing out as he closes his eyes, his cheeks first pink, then red, then violet. Dr. Felix and I stand at the same time. “I’m sorry,” I stammer, eager to quiet Cody but knowing the only way is to whip out a boob, ASAP. “He’s probably hungry,” I say and immediately regret the weak probably. I want the doctor to see I know my baby’s cries. “He is,” I mumble. “Hungry. He’s hungry.”

Dr. Felix places my folder on the counter beside the speculum and lube. Ironically, I think a pelvic exam would’ve been less invasive than this thorough exam of my mothering skills.

“Don’t worry,” she says, squeezing some antibacterial lotion onto her hands before vigorously rubbing them together. “You’re doing a great job, I promise.” She pushes her glasses in place. “I’m going to leave some pamphlets with the receptionist while you pack up here. I want to see you back in two months. I think you’re about due for your yearly physical.”

I nod, desperate for Cody to settle. I’m sure the entire office thinks I’m awful for letting him cry this long. But they don’t know my son. He won’t stop until we are out of this office.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.