Everything Was Fine Until Whatever by Chelsea Martin

Author:Chelsea Martin [Martin, Chelsea]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Future Tense Books
Published: 2012-09-30T20:00:00+00:00

WTF QT Sup

He spelled his own name incorrectly, P-o-l, and said, “That’s the way I pronounce it.” It didn’t match his identification card, I told him, and his paperwork was probably going to get lost.

“My paperwork,” he said, “is inconsequential. I’m here to get my nipples pierced.” His attitude earned him some deliberately lost paperwork. I called him up to the counter to give him some new questionnaires to fill out. And a dried out pen.

“I see my forms right there under that Chinese take out box,” he said. I told him that this was a common occurrence, that we can’t always keep track of paperwork that is filled out inaccurately, and to try not to take it personally. Sometimes these things just get lost in the system. We’d be with him as soon as he turned in the new completed forms.

When he took his seat, I looked over his original paperwork. Pol Few, 32 years old, male. He even sounded hot on paper.

The chief body piercer, Stan, came to the front desk and asked if there were any appointments, and I said no, not at the moment. I said if he wanted to, he could go grab lunch or run an errand while things were slow.

I watched Pol scribble on his questionnaire, trying to get his pen to work. He had the body type I’m usually attracted to, not fat or muscular, but round, and taut.

Pol came up to the desk and handed me his new paperwork. He asked me when he could expect to be seen and I explained that the chief body piercer had an emergency to attend to, but should be back shortly. I asked that he please bear with us so that we may pierce his nipples with the care and efficiency we are reputed for.

Pol flipped through a tattoo design magazine. I stared at his reflection on my computer screen, imagining my body parts in his. Lips in nostrils, feet between buttocks, neck between thighs, slippery mouth in crook of neck.

My biggest problem was that I could make mistakes over and over for years and still not ever figure out what I’ve figured out. My other biggest problem was that I hadn’t been naked with a man in over ten months. A lot can happen in ten months. New underwear had been bought, gotten old, and been thrown away during that time. The exact length of my pubic hair began to seem trivial. My friends suddenly felt they had the right to be surprised and upset if I didn’t return their phone calls within eight hours. My mom asked me if I was a lesbian. My condoms expired. I started watching David Letterman every night and then had to watch it just to get to sleep. I finally found a florist I liked and she died. I read the Diary of Anne Frank and got upset. I completely forgot about my phone bill for five months and then remembered and paid it and didn’t feel different in any way about anything.

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