Don't Get Scrooged by Richard Carlson

Author:Richard Carlson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins

Give the Gift of a Second Chance

Let Others Prove They’ve Changed

When you’ve built up personal history with a scrooge, it can color every present interaction. No matter what this person says or does, you are reading the past into every action and syllable. Even if this person is being perfectly cordial, you think, “Aha! He or she is laying a fresh trap for me, setting the stage, trying to bring my guard down so that I can be scrooged anew—maybe even worse than before.”

Pretty soon you’ve built up a conspiracy theory worthy of Lyndon Larouche.

But it takes energy to steel yourself for fresh offenses that may never come. It’s hard to go through the holidays playing the part of interpreter, turning your suspect’s conversation into scrooge-speak in your mind. It’s unpleasant to feel like you must watch your back—the whole time. You end up deflecting the good as well as the bad. Yes, it’s wise to learn from the past, but it also makes sense to live in the moment, to quit being so twitchy, to approach even a proven scrooge with open eyes, ears, and heart.

That means, among other things, not reading from yesterday’s script. Assume that the last time this person scrooged you, he or she was going through something difficult that had nothing to do with you, but you were there and got caught in the crossfire. There have certainly been times when someone else has found you acting kind of scroogey. We all do it.

In a fresh encounter, this previously difficult person has a chance to show you his or her better side, like the loving Scrooge who came out of hiding after being visited by the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future.

Giving someone a second chance and the benefit of the doubt does not make you a sap. Your openness and receptivity might even bring out the best in someone who is just a diamond in the rough.

I formed a very negative impression of a fellow named Jeremy in a neighborhood association I recently joined. He seemed self-righteous, and I thought the ideas he voiced were, well, dumb. After a few months of going to these meetings, I had occasion to have a one-on-one conversation with Jeremy, and I found him delightful. In that encounter, he had really bright ideas about an issue I was having and didn’t seem smug at all. He told me how passionate he was about the problems that had brought the group together, and why. I decided I’d misread him: I’d read between the lines and made far too many assumptions. I almost felt I owed him an apology.

Give your scrooge a shot at an Extreme Make-Over. You may (or may not) always be pleasantly surprised with the person’s actions in the future. But giving a second chance is what you would want someone to do for you. It would make a great gift this season.

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