Dogs Don’t Tell Jokes by Louis Sachar

Author:Louis Sachar
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Kids
Publisher: For the Benefit of Mr. Kite
Published: 1990-12-31T16:00:00+00:00

Gary walked away talking to himself. “Why do I like to make people laugh? What kind of question is that? Everyone likes to laugh. It’s good to laugh. I should ask Ira why he collects baseball cards, that’s what I should do.”

“Goon, think fast!”

A football was coming at his face. He held up his math book just in time. The ball hit it and knocked it out of his hands.

Joe and Zack laughed.

Gary laughed too as he picked up the ball.

“Goin’ long!” said Zack. Then he took off.

It took a moment for Gary to realize what he was supposed to do, and by then Zack was too far. Gary threw it as hard as he could, but the ball landed way short as Zack ran back to try and catch it.

“You want to go play some football?” asked Joe.

“Me? Sure.”

Zack threw the ball back to him. Gary planted his feet and waited to catch it, but Joe jumped in front of him and intercepted.

Joe then immediately lateraled it behind his back to Gary, but Gary wasn’t ready and it bounced off his stomach.

He picked up the ball, then his math book, and ran after Joe and Zack.

“C’mon, you guys. Hustle your butts!” shouted Ryan Utt from the football field.

They had all heard about Gary’s trick play in gym class.

“That’s great, Goon,” said Paul. “I didn’t think you had it in you. I didn’t know you even knew how to catch.”

“Or even which way to run with the ball after you caught it,” said Matt.

Everyone laughed, even Gary.

“That’s his secret,” said Joe. “He’s just pretending to be a goon. You’re just sandbagging everyone, aren’t you?”

Gary smiled. He wished he knew what Joe meant by that.

There was an odd number of players, and after much discussion it was decided, “in order to be fair,” that Gary would be the designated center for both teams.

“Just until someone else comes,” said Joe. “You understand?”

“Sure,” Gary said. “But I can catch, too. I caught that touchdown – ”

“Everyone already knows the trick play,” said Zack. “It won’t work twice.”

“Zack and I have been playing together a long time,” Joe explained. “I know his moves.”

“Besides, what’s wrong with playing center?” asked Paul. “You get to handle the ball on every play.”

“That’s right,” agreed Brian. “I sometimes go half a game without even getting to touch the ball.”

“It’s the most important position on the team,” said Matt. “It starts every play.”

Gary shrugged. He really didn’t mind playing center so much. But if it was such a great position, how come nobody else wanted to do it?

“What do they think I am – stupid?”

“You know the most important rule about playing center?” Ryan asked him.

“What?” asked Gary.

“Don’t let your butt get in the way of the ball!” said Ryan, then he cracked up.

Gary laughed too. He didn’t want Ryan to think he didn’t get the joke – even though he didn’t.

It was tackle, and everyone played a lot rougher than in gym class. Every time Gary hiked the ball, somebody knocked him backward.

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