Diary of a Mad Fat Girl by Stephanie McAfee
Author:Stephanie McAfee
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: strip club, funny, Mississippi, diary of a mad fat girl, hospital, southern, school, fist fight, getting fired, high school, stalking, mean girls, fat girls, sweet tea, teacher, south
Publisher: Stephanie McAfee
Published: 2011-03-31T05:48:23+00:00
“Well, take him twenty bucks if it’ll make you feel better.”
“Twenty dollars,” she yells, “are you crazy?”
“No,” I say quietly, “but you sure as hell are. Now shut up and let’s at least pretend like we have sense enough to be here.”
We get out of the car just in time to see a shiny blue golf cart pull up to the curb. Instead of straps to secure clubs, it has a seat on the back emblazoned with a majestic blue peacock in all its feathered glory. The driver appears to be a clone of the gate man and I start having visions of Mr. Deeds in that mansion with that sneaky butler fellow.
“Ladies,” the gentleman says with a friendly smile, “it would please me greatly to give y’all a ride.”
“We’d love that,” I say and try to smile big enough for the two of us because Lilly has lapsed into some kind of idiotic stupor and is looking around at all the trees and flowers with her mouth half open and I worry for a second that she might start to slobber.
I elbow her and nod to the cart and she walks over and gets in, the whole time looking like a stupid ass robot with long, tan legs and expensive heels. When the gate-clone-servant man hits the gas, I lean over and whisper, “Hey globe trotter, what the hell is wrong with you? You’re acting like you’ve never seen an azalea in bloom.”
“There’s just something about this place,” she says dreamily, “I can’t explain it.” She looks at me, wide-eyed. “Don’t you feel it? It’s like an aura or something.”
“Have you been smokin’ weed?” I ask and I’m dead serious.
“No,” she looks at me like I’m the moron. “It’s magical. This place is absolutely magical!”
“You are a freakin’ fruit loop.” I whisper, but she isn’t listening.
“Look, there’s a peacock!” she squeals. “A real live peacock!”
I roll my eyes and wonder if she’s upped her daily dose of crazy meds.
After a winding tour through what could easily pass for a privatized Garden of Eden, we roll to a stop next to a clover shaped pool fit for a Hawaiian beach resort. Lilly is still thoroughly intoxicated with the loveliness of The Waverly Estate and has counted seven real live peacocks roaming the grounds. I bite my lip and tell myself now is not the time to call her a dip shit.
Lilly slides off the back seat of the shiny blue golf cart, walks over and hugs Gloria Peacock like the petite little lady just saved her from being eaten by piranhas. Gloria Peacock hugs her back and smiles that thousand watt smile and I wonder for a brief second if her teeth are real or if they’re dentures. Very expensive dentures. Like made of ivory or something.
“We haven’t officially met,” she says, offering a hand laden with jewels more valuable than my house. And probably my life. “Gloria Peacock.”
“Graciela Jones,” I say, shaking her hand and trying not to stare at her rings, “but everyone calls me Ace.
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