Deliberate Calm by Jacqueline Brassey Aaron De Smet and Michiel Kruyt

Author:Jacqueline Brassey, Aaron De Smet and Michiel Kruyt
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollinsPublishers
Published: 2022-10-04T00:00:00+00:00

SLOW AND STEADY

When we left Alex, he was beginning to realize that his battery power was sorely depleted and causing him to cling to his perfectionist, controlling habits, even though they clearly weren’t working anymore. At this point, Alex has to face the fact that something has to change, and it has to be something he can actually control. He can’t make Gabe come home sooner. He can’t force Joanne to come back and work for him. And he can’t add more hours to the day to get everything done. But he can delegate more, he can stop trying to do everything himself, and he can seek out help to get some time back for himself.

Alex is terribly disappointed. He really thought that he could do it all by himself and do it well, but he clearly cannot. He has to accept the reality that he’s burned out and needs real recovery. This means there are things that he will not be able to do as planned. If he keeps going this way, he’ll fail at something important, or perhaps several things. After giving it a lot of thought, he realizes that he would rather choose to do a few important things well than to keep doing everything poorly.

To make this change, Alex also has to confront his iceberg and his beliefs that if he wants something done right, he has to do it himself, and if he can’t, then he is a failure. This is ultimately why he becomes so controlling and perfectionistic when the stakes are high. He tells Steve that he doesn’t like to admit defeat.

“It’s not a defeat to admit that you’re not Superman,” Steve says. “By refusing to face your limits, you’re holding yourself and your people back.” Steve pauses for a moment and then asks, “What would be possible if you no longer believed that you had to do it all yourself in order for things to be done correctly?”

Alex thinks this over. “I would be more compassionate with my people and with myself,” he says. “I could take more advantage of the people around me and empower them to contribute creatively instead of just executing on my vision.” Alex thinks for another moment. “I guess that would help all of us from getting burned out,” he realizes.

With this insight, Alex is motivated to take an honest look at his life and make some changes. The first thing he does is hire a nanny to stay with his family until Gabe is home. Then he thinks about his role on the board of ed. Alex really enjoys serving on the board, but the responsibilities of being president are just too much. He makes the difficult decision to step down as president and stay on the board.

This gives Alex more time to sneak in a quick workout, eat a real dinner, and have more time to himself each evening. As a high performer with young kids, it’s been years since Alex had any real time for himself, and he has to reflect on what he even enjoys doing when he isn’t going all the time.

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