Dear Ana: A Novel by E I.I

Author:E, I.I
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: iie
Published: 2023-07-25T00:00:00+00:00

After seven tries and finally 52 steps later, I found myself in front of Espresso & Chill. I realized as I went up to the door that I had no clue what I was going to say.

“Noah?” I called, knocking on the door despite my swollen knuckles. “It's Maya.”

I waited a few seconds, not shocked when the door remained closed.

“I don’t know if you’re there or not, or if you can hear me or not but I’m just going to talk anyway,” I said into the door. I placed my hand against the frame and imagined Noah on the other side, his hand pressed against mine. “I am . . . so sorry for the things I said earlier. I was hurt and overwhelmed, and instead of accepting responsibility for my actions I decided to blame you.” I felt my eyes well up for the hundredth time today. “You didn’t deserve anything I said, and I’m sorry.”

I took a deep breath to steady myself. “That’s not all I’m sorry for. I’m sorry I lied to you about how I knew Ana. I should have told you the truth when you asked me at her grave, but I was scared. I was scared that you would get . . . angry. But you have every right to be angry, Noah. I took the one thing that could have given her life and shoved it into myself instead.

“I didn’t expect to ever see you again after that, and I had no idea who you were and that you worked here, I swear. My co-worker told me about this new café downtown and I decided to try it out. I always went to the same Starbucks every day after work and I wanted to be spontaneous and try something different,” I chuckled. “I know it sounds silly, but that’s how boring and depressing my life was.”

I leaned my head on the door, closing my eyes. “I recognized you immediately and I tried to leave, but you caught up to me and,” the tears started to spill over, one by one, “I felt something between us almost immediately. Your presence kindled this powerful flare of emotions inside me and it felt . . . it was unlike anything I’d ever felt before, so when you asked me to have coffee with you, I said yes. I should’ve declined, but I said yes instead because I wanted to know you, just once. But then once turned into twice, and I couldn’t stop myself anymore.

“I hated myself for lying to you, Noah, I still do, but I don’t regret it. How could I regret meeting you, when meeting you felt like the one-billion-pound elephant finally lifted one of its feet off my chest? The other three were still pressing down but it was okay because I wasn’t suffocating anymore. I was so sad, Noah. I was so miserable and I was dealing with so much, and you . . . you made me feel better. You made me feel better without even knowing about any of the things going on in my life.

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