Dave Gorman Vs the Rest of the World by Dave Gorman

Author:Dave Gorman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Ebury Publishing

1. Royston Vasey is the fictional town in the TV show, The League of Gentlemen. It is also the real name of controversial comedian Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown, who also appears in the show as the Mayor of Royston Vasey, Larry Vaughn. When I wrote, ‘ … paint the town as a place of Royston Vasey-like oddness’, I was thinking of the fictional town. But actually the sentence works just as well if you take it to be the man, too.

2. I was embarrassed.

3. The easiest to follow has been Dave Lamb. He’s an actor who has cropped up in several big TV shows. He also provides the brilliantly sarcastic voice-over on Channel 4’s hugely successful and much copied Come Dine With Me.

4. I find the nomenclature of England’s football leagues more than a little confusing these days. It used to be simple. Division One then Two, Three and Four.

Nowadays, the top tier is the Premier League. Then there’s the Championship and the third tier has been rebranded League One. That’s three leagues that are all named to suggest they’re at the pinnacle. Maybe the person responsible used to work for a coffee company? In a world where ‘tall’ means ‘small’ and ‘grande’ means ‘medium’, anything is possible.

The fourth tier is called League Two. Beneath that is the National League System which starts with the Conference National, which is fine except that, thanks to sponsorship, it’s also called the Blue Square Bet Premier League. Blimey.

5. The lack of an apostrophe in Harveys Best or, indeed, in Harveys anything, is intentional – that’s just how they do it. (It’s Harveys Best Bitter, not Harvey’s Best Grammar.)

6. At the time of writing you can buy a Lewes pound – worth £1 sterling – for £3.99.

7. The world record for pea throwing is 38.7 metres.

8. Of all the sentences I’ve ever written, I think this one might well be my favourite.

9. See previous footnote

10. This game provided me with my only win of the night. It was, however, far from a foregone conclusion. We played 501 down and Ben – a non-darts player – comfortably outscored me at the start. He only lost because he failed to hit his doubles at the end. All of which proves that when it comes to throwing a lump of metal at a target over a distance of around eight feet, he’s really very good, no matter what shape the metal lump or on what axis the target lies.

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