Dave Barry's Guide to Marriage And/or Sex by Dave Barry

Author:Dave Barry [Barry, Dave]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Dating (Social Customs), Marriage, Mate Selection, Family & Relationships, Health & Fitness, Sexuality, Humor, General, Form, Comic Strips & Cartoons, Essays, Topic, Marriage & Family, Relationships, Self-Help, Sexual Instruction, Social Science, Sociology, entert_humor
ISBN: 9780878577255
Google: 1_8K-Byw5RkC
Amazon: 0878577254
Publisher: Rodale Press
Published: 1987-09-30T16:00:00+00:00

Tips for the New Bride

HOW TO GET ALONG WITH YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW: Your best bet is drugs.

DEALING WITH YOUR HUSBAND’S OLD BUDDIES: Odds are your husband will have old buddies from college or reform school with whom he has shared many important Male Bonding Experiences such as fighting and burping and taking turns driving cars into the lobbies of major hotels.

After you are married, you should not try to cut him off from these friends. They are a very important part of his life. They are able to discuss with him, as you cannot, a lot of important questions that guys are concerned about, such as: Who was pitching for the Yankees when Bill Mazeroski hit the bottom-of-the-ninth home run that won the 1960 World Series for the Pirates? Now you are continuing to read this paragraph, but believe me, your husband stopped at the end of the last sentence and is now staring at the ceiling and saying: “Whitey Ford? Nah. Louis Arroyo? Nah.” This is why he needs his buddies. To resolve questions like this.*

So you should make a special effort to make your husband’s buddies feel welcome in your home. Invite them over for dinner. Invite them on your honeymoon. Don’t make a big scene if they leave beer cans in the aquarium. And above all, don’t force your husband to choose between them and you. I am not suggesting here that your husband would leave the woman he has pledged to spend the rest of his life with just so he could hang around with a bunch of guys talking sports and drinking beer. I am saying they would probably also order some pizza.

* It was Ralph Terry.

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