Dancing with the Tsars by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

Author:Ross O'Carroll-Kelly
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781844883899
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2018-07-04T16:00:00+00:00

6. The Windows of This Car were Steamed Up. Wait Till You See What’s Inside!

So I’m heading for the airport and I swing by Foxrock to collect my old man, except the front gorden is swarming with journalists and photographers. I end up having to fight my way to the front door. They’re all shouting, ‘What do you think of Constance Markievicz?’ and ‘Do you think it’s right to call any woman a cow?’ and ‘Are you prepared to resign from whatever it is you do for a living?’

I let myself in using my key and I meet the old man in the hallway. He’s still in his dressing-gown at, like, three o’clock in the afternoon. Unshaven as well, with his hair slash wig all over the place.

He goes, ‘You saw the hyena pack outside, did you?’

I’m there, ‘Why don’t you ring the Gords? They’re basically trespassing.’

‘I’m not sure how quick they’d be to respond to an emergency call from this house – given that your mother is suing them for malicious prosecution.’

‘Go and get dressed. We’re heading for the airport.’

‘Airport?’

‘Yeah, no, it’s Ronan’s stag weekend.’

‘I’m not going anywhere, Kicker. I’m sure the little chap will understand.’

‘Come on, a few days in Estepona could be just what you need.’

‘It’s a living nightmare, Kicker. I’m getting abuse online. Abuse on the phone. I can’t sleep. I can’t drink. I can’t smoke.’

‘It’ll all die down, I’m sure, now that you’ve stepped down.’

‘Not down, Ross. I’ve stepped aside – pending an internal disciplinary investigation. It was Muirgheal’s idea. She thought it might take the heat off for a few weeks. She also put out a wonderful statement saying that Charles O’Carroll-Kelly was far from a misogynist and that he’s always given women an opportunity to advance.’

I laugh. I’m there, ‘Yeah, one woman – who happens to be Muirgheal herself.’

He goes, ‘I gave your wife an opportunity too. I was the one who talked her into running for election in the first place. Come with me. Hennessy is down in the study.’

So that’s where we end up heading.

The dude is helping himself to a glass of XO from the decanter. When he sees me, the first thing he says is, ‘What the hell is wrong with that wife of yours?’

I’m there, ‘She’s not really my wife anymore. Not in the sense that I have any control over her.’

‘You could try talking to her. Bring her into line.’

‘Trust me, I’m the last person in the world she wants to talk to right now.’

He points at the old man – while still looking at me? – and goes, ‘She’s destroyed a good man. I hope she’s pleased with herself.’

The old man sits down in his ormchair in the corner. His dressing-gown is only loosely tied. He puts his feet up on the leather ottoman and I end up seeing way more of the dude than I ever wanted to see.

He’s like, ‘Sorcha didn’t destroy me, Old Scout. I destroyed me.’

‘I still say we should put out another statement,’ Hennessy goes.

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