Cracking the Communication Code by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Author:Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER TEN

Decode—and Then Use

C-O-U-P-L-E to Energize Her

(Note to wives: This chapter is “for husbands

only,” but you are invited to read along.)

When Sarah and I were in our late thirties and early forties, our three children were pretty much into their teen years, and we experienced the same tensions most families encounter, all of which put a strain on our marriage. In my journal I described one such evening, which offers a microcosmic glimpse of what life was sometimes like for us back then:

Sarah is discouraged. She is feeling our family is not close. One of the boys has been gruff and distant; the other expresses disinterest in being home at all. Both of them have gone out with their buddies, and Joy has been invited to a friend’s house for the evening. It is plain to Sarah that fun is outside of this home, and this disappoints and saddens her.

As I recall, I penned those brief lines on a Friday night. I tended to make notes in my journal at times when I was heavyhearted, and this was one of them. While Sarah and I had eaten dinner alone, she had verbally dumped what felt like an attack on me when she commented that our family situation was so “boring.” Sarah was not attacking me as much as she was venting her disappointment, but her words were still hard to accept. I sat there eating, feeling blamed, but not knowing how to respond. My heart was heavy, so I searched for some way to lighten things up a bit. Looking down at the dog, I said, “And I suppose you ran away today too!”

The right word

matters! “A person’s

anxiety will weigh

him down, but an

encouraging word

makes him joyful”

(Proverbs

12:25 GW).

Sarah’s response was quick, but I wasn’t sure she was joining me in being light. She said, “I’m the one who needs to run away.”

We sat there looking at each other, both aware that parenting is not a popularity contest and that it is much more a marathon than a sprint. You want to trust your heavenly Creator and His promises, but in those frequent moments of uncertainty, you can have feelings of panic. We were having one of those moments then, on a Friday night, when it felt like all the children had gone AWOL.

Guilt flooded over me, and I began telling myself outlandish things like “The kids are all gone because you are a horrible authority figure. If you had done something different when they were in diapers, your teenagers would be home roasting marshmallows in the fireplace, singing ‘Kum Ba Ya,’ and sharing their passion to go to the mission field to die a martyr’s death—after they finish Harvard Medical School.” Feeling cornered by Sarah’s comments, I thought to myself: Does my lousy parenting disqualify me from the ministry? What am I supposed to do? Tender my resignation from the church and sell Bibles door-to-door?

Afraid I might say something more that could be misunderstood as my trying to be glib, I

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